Page 109 of The List of Things

I shrug again.

“And does coming home early have anything to do with your so-called friend Bellamy?” She pushes.

I keep my eyes out of the window, not looking at her once as I watch everything pass by us. There’s really not much out here. It’s barren compared to the city. I hate how my mom always has an intuition about what’s going on in my life. I hate that she knows even when I’ve never told her anything. The minute I mentioned a boy to her without her forcing it out of me she knew he was more than a friend. I thought he was at least.

“That’s all he is,” It’s the truth despite the feelings I have inside.

All he is now and ever will be is a friend. Lesser than a friend at this point.

“That sounds like a lie,” Her voice trails off.

I know when my mom doesn’t want to push me for answers. She doesn't want to right now, but in normal mom fashion, she’s going to do it anyway.

“Bellamy and I had a silly little fling, and it didn’t mean anything, and that’s it. It was a mistake, and it was stupid.”

It was a mistake, but it wasn’t stupid, and it wasn’t silly, or little in my head. It was special to me. Bellamy’s words ring in my head, telling me not to diminish my own feelings to make everyone else feel comfortable. I push it away, he lied to me, I shouldn’t be thinking of any of the things he said, good or bad.

“Why do you think that?” She asks and I don’t respond, relief crashing through me when I see the familiar home.

My mom pulls into the driveway, and I still keep my mouth shut.

“Kamryn…” My mom tries once more and I shake my head.

“I don’t want to talk about it, Mom. I don’t want to think about Bellamy, that’s why I left. He wasn’t who I thought he was, and he just… He’s just not what I need.”

I watch as she presses her lips together. The words taste bitter in my mouth, but I force them out because they’re more than true.

She shuts off the car, looking disappointed as she looks around us. I look around too, trying to understand what she’s looking for and disregard it when I see nothing. I grab my things from the back of the car, and my mom helps, both of us approaching the side entrance of the house, and walking up the brick stairs. I hear a car behind me, tires screeching to a halt, and both my mom and I turn at the loud sound.

“Oh, he made it,” My mom sounds relieved, but I feel everything but relief.

My eyes rest on the beat up Jeep, and Bellamy getting out at the bottom of the driveway. He slams his door, and he looks disheveled as if he just raced three hours to get here. I have no idea how the hell he got ahold of this address but I have a feeling it has to do with my mom which only leads to more questions. I feel anger, I feel nauseous. I turn away from him and don’t wait for him to make it to the top of the driveway despite his jogging. I walk through the doors, drop my bags, and slam the door behind me, leaving my mom outside too.

“Kamryn...” My mom opens the door.

“What is he doing here?” I ask as she steps inside, closing the door behind her softly.

“Why don’t you stop acting like a little girl, and come out here, and find out?” She calls me out and I hate that she’s doing it.

“Because he hurt me, and I want nothing to do with him anymore,” I feel odd arguing with her. I don’t fight with my mom.

Not now, not ever because she would…Because she would never do something if it wasn’t for my benefit.Never. I stop. I think, and I squeeze my eyes shut. Dammit.

“How did he even figure out where I live? What did you do?” I ask, and she raises her eyebrows, probably at my tone, but I’ll get the lecture on that later.

“Sienna gave him my number, and I gave him our address because I think you jumped over too many important details and left without explanation. From him, or to him,” She argues, her hands on her hips.

I keep my arms crossed over my chest as I look at my mom.

“He drove all the way here, just to talk to me?” I ask, and she nods.

“Just give him a chance to explain himself,” She looks at me with warm eyes, and I don’t say anything as I open the door.

My mom would never tell me to do something unless she thought it was right.

“Don’t snoop,” I warn her, knowing she’d press her ear to the door, waiting to hear everything.

Though she really doesn’t need to. I’ll probably cry to her tonight after I force him to leave. I walk outside, Bellamy already standing at the door, waiting.

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