Page 82 of The List of Things

He throws the dirty towel into the hamper and makes his way toward me.

“Perfect,” I only tell a small white lie.

I do feel perfect, and that feeling is what throws me off completely.

“Then come here,” He throws himself down and doesn’t hesitate to pull me with him.

We sit in silence for a few minutes, and I want to say something. Anything but I don’t know how to articulate the words I’m thinking. I don’t know how to sound the way I want to without sounding bad, or weird, but right now I feel so much, my body is weighed down by all of the things I’m feeling after what just happened.

“I’m sorry...” He speaks first, and I lean up, my brows furrowing as I look at him.

“Why are you apologizing to me? You didn’t do anything wrong... Actually you... You did everything right... I was, well, I didn’t even know what to say to you because I didn’t want to sound crazy but god Bell... I just... Wow... I’ve never had... I mean you were... That was just... Wow... It was only supposed to be once, and I know that, and that’s normally how it goes when it comes to hooking up with people... Especially for me... But even when you were walking out of the shower I was thinking about you again... And I... I don’t know... You shouldn’t apologize, you were amazing.”

He’s smirking at me, looking like he’s fighting laughter.

“What?” I ask, and he raises his eyebrows, my stomach dropping. “You weren’t talking about the sex were you?”

He shakes his head. I cover my face feeling more embarrassed than I ever have. I groan, rolling onto my back.

“Oh my god that’s so embarrassing,” I speak out, mostly to myself, but I’m fully aware he can hear me.

“Hey, come back...” He hooks his arm around my waist, moving me back so I’m pressed to his warm chest.

“Just forget what I said.”

He drops his jaw. “Absolutely not. Not now, not ever.”

I cover my face again, hiding the blush of my cheeks from him.

“Stop it. That was cute... And the feeling is mutual... It wasn’t... It wasn’t just good for you Ryn.”

I sigh at his words.

“Okay fine,” I try to shake off the embarrassed feeling in my chest, and fail.

“You really think I look that good though? I can’t even walk out of the shower without you wanting to-”

“Oh my god shut up,” I cover his mouth with my hand and feel his smile underneath my hand.

I know my smile is just as wide.

“What are you sorry for?” I ask him, moving us back to his initial words.

“For what she said tonight,” He explains and I furrow my brows.

“Leah?”

He cringes at the mention of her name.

“Yes... I was avoiding saying her name... But yes... That shouldn’t have happened.”

It obviously feels heavy on him for it to still bother him.

“Oh. You don’t have to apologize about that, or about her. She’s not your responsibility… Either way, I’m used to it.”

The thought of him thinking those things about me still bothers me, even if I try to brush it off.

“What do you mean you’re used to it?” His voice is serious, and his face is serious too. His defensive nature immediately returns right away, and I go silent. “What do you mean Ryn?” He asks, his hand coming to my face to hold it, just like he always does.

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