Page 77 of Unravel Me

And now, as she strolls ahead of me and Connor, both dogs tied around her waist, her fingertips grazing the trunk of every pine tree she passes. She’s at home here, in these forested mountains. I see the clarity reflected in her moss eyes after only a few minutes here, like the fresh air lifts her fog.

From his spot on my shoulders, Connor curls over my head, wrapping his arms around it. His lips press against my hat as he squeezes tight. “Muaaah!”

I’m not sure I’ve ever been so lucky, and more than that, I’m not sure I’ve ever felt so awake. Soalive.

Because I’ve been so fucking tired. Tired of people taking only what they want, leaving the rest behind. You can’t pick and choose parts of people; you have to want all of them. I’ve given Rosie the pieces nobody else has wanted, and she’s taken all of them with eager hands.

And somehow, that makes it scarier. Before, I only had myself to lose. Now I have two green-eyed blondes who’d take everything of me with them if they left. The thought makes my palms sweaty, my hands shaky. Because at the core of my fear is the reminder that I haven’t been honest with Rosie. That I’ve hidden a huge part of my life, all while asking her to give me everything.

I’ve done this whole thing backward. I always thought I’d have to convince someone to love all the regular parts of me after they fell for the hockey star. Now I have to convince her that, beneath it all, the hockey star is still me.

I need to give her all of me.

“Can I tell you a secret?” I whisper, looking up at Connor. “I just want to be good enough for you two, and I’m scared I won’t be. But I promise, I’m gonna try my hardest.”

He smiles at me, then rests his forehead against mine, patting my cheek. “Good Dada.”

“Thanks, buddy. I needed that.” My eyes find Rosie, watching us with a dazed smile. “Quit looking at me like that, trouble.”

“Like what?”

I press my words below her ear. “Like you want a repeat of last night on my balcony.”

She grins, teeth pressing into her pink lower lip. “You’re carrying my offspring on your shoulders. I’ll look at you however I wanna look at you.”

“Admit it. You want round two.”

“You and I both know it’s round five, at least.”

“Wanna see if we can hit double digits?”

“Wanna carry me everywhere the next day when my legs don’t work?”

“Wanna just never leave the bed?”

She grins up at me, tucking her tiny hand into mine, and I’ll never get over how perfect it feels there, the way our fingers twine together. “I wanna.” She peeks at me from beneath her lashes. “Sounds like a baby-free night might be best.”

My heartbeat trips. “Baby free?”

She winks, twirling out of my hold, and dances off toward the bridge, the dogs chasing after her.

“Baby free?” I repeat, Connor bouncing along on my shoulders as I dash after her. “Rosie! What does baby free mean?”

She ignores me, and when we finally catch up with her and she’s dishing out lunch for everyone, she’s still wearing that smug smile.

“Fuckin’ trouble,” I mutter, slipping Connor off my shoulders.

“What are you gonna do about it?”

My eyes flip to hers, flashing with heat so feral it makes her blush. She rolls her lips and turns to her backpack, and I nab a fistful of her shirt, pulling her lips to mine. “Guess you’ll have to find out.”

Connor pats our shoulders, a bubbly smile appearing between us. “Mama, Dada, kiss.”

After lunch, we stroll down to the creek, Bear and Piglet flanking Connor’s sides as he walks just ahead, his hands buried in their fur.

“I think Pig and Bear have adopted Connor,” I say.

“I think so too,” she murmurs, watching them with a smile. “I’m so happy he loves animals. And Piglet…” She shakes her head, her smile equal parts hopeful and sad. “She’s just come so far, hasn’t she? She’s so great with you and Bear, and she loves Connor so much.”

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