Page 178 of Unravel Me

“Don’t,” he whispers. “Don’t you dare.”

“You look…” I fold my lips into my mouth, my shoulders shaking with the laugh I keep trying to swallow down. “So cute.”

“I wanna see!” Lily sets down the bracelet she’s working on for Connor and kisses his forehead. “I’ll be right back, okay, Connor? You stay right here.” Then she kisses Bear’s head, and Piglet’s next, and when she gets to Adam’s dad, she just blushes. “You stay, too, okay?”

“I wouldn’t dream of going anywhere,” Deacon tells her sincerely, holding up his Rainbow Loom, his wrist already decorated with several colorful elastic bracelets. He’s much better than Adam, who’s still struggling with his first bracelet. “I’m learning so much about making bracelets.”

Lily’s been with us all day, showing up at nine this morning in a beautiful red dress that was waiting for her beneath the Christmas tree at the children’s home this morning. She was crying when she got here, and I was worried she didn’t want to be here with us until she wrapped herself around my legs and thanked me for wanting to spend time with her. She took to Bev immediately, the same as Connor did when we picked her and Deacon up at the airport on our way home from Carter and Olivia’s last night.

She’s been more hesitant with Deacon, but Adam said she’s a little nervous with men, just like Piglet. But both girls have been inching closer to him all morning, and now Piglet’s draped over his lap, paws in the air, and I know she’s enjoying a break from the shelter this Christmas.

“How big was Adam when you adopted him?” Lily asks Bev.

“Adam was five years old when we adopted him.”

Lily’s face lights. “Hey, I’m five! Maybe someone will adopt me, too, like Adam.”

Bev smiles, raking her fingers through Lily’s hair. “The family who finds you is going to be such a lucky family, Lily.”

My throat tightens, and my gaze collides with Adam’s. I haven’t stopped thinking about Lily since I met her, and lately, I’ve been thinking what it might look like to one day open our home up to someone who needs one. Someone who needs some extra love, because we have so much to go around. It’s as scary as it is empowering. When I was in foster care, I tried everything in my power to make myself moreadoptable, as if that were ever a real quality. It’s taken me years to come to terms with the fact that there was nothing I could do. It was never up to me. And now, I’m in this incredible position, one where I have the power to change someone’s life for the better.

And yet there’s something inside me that’s scared. Something that keeps me from taking that final step. Something that worries I won’t be the right choice.

I’ve found all these people who are perfect for me, but I’m nervous I won’t be perfect forher.

“Goddammit,” Adam grumbles from the living room. “Lily! I need help with my bracelet, please!”

“Again?”

“It’s not—I can’t—my fingers are too big!”

“Well then how come your dad can do it?” she yells back, then wraps herself around my middle, hugging me tightly before she skips back to the living room. “You just gotta believe in yourself, Adam. If you say you can’t do it, you never will.” She sits down beside him, and he looks down at her like she’s one of the few reasons he breathes. “Don’t worry. I won’t give up on you.”

“Puzzle pieces,” Bev murmurs beside me.

“Hmm?”

“I’ve always thought people were like puzzle pieces. That we spend our lives searching for someone who’s shaped almost as if they’re just for us. You find each other, and you get this funny, excited feeling in your stomach the closer you get, the more you learn about them. And then, suddenly, something slides into place, this perfect fit, like you had this space saved just for them. And when they squeeze themselves in, it feels like your puzzle is finally complete.”

She smiles, watching her husband and son as they pull out all the toys Connor and Lily opened this morning, pulling out the mini–hockey net, showing the kids how to hold the little sticks.

“I thought Deac and I found all our pieces when we met in college. And then we found Adam, and it’s like a new space opened up just for him. And then Ireallythought we were done.” She covers my hand with hers, squeezing tenderly. “Looks like we found a few more pieces.”

All I’ve done the past six months is find more pieces, filled my life with so many incredible people. But do I have more space? Do I have room for one more? How will I know? I start with the most logical question.

“Did you always want to adopt?”

“Nope. Never even wanted kids.”

“So how did you wind up with Adam?”

Her soft brown eyes follow Deacon as he covers Connor’s hands on his hockey stick, helping him shoot and score on Adam. “Because Deacon’s heart is every bit as big as Adam’s is. He had too much money and nothing to spend it on. After a few fundraisers with his team, he started volunteering with a few homeless youth programs. Then he started organizing his own fundraisers, trying to find these kids families to love them. Adam came along one day, those big blue eyes and curls for days, shy as could be. Deacon started popping into the home whenever he could. He’d find any excuse to go see that little boy. He said as sad as Adam was, his eyes always lit with so much hope whenever someone sat down with him, paid him any amount of attention.”

I press my hand to my chest, over the heart that aches for a little boy who just wanted someone to love him. As different as our experiences were, we’ve had a lot more in common than I realized. The connection isn’t as settling as I thought it would be; it breaks me knowing he ever felt the same way I did.

Bev chuckles quietly, watching as Lily squeals with laughter as Adam misses her shot, collapsing to his back in defeat. “That boy stole my whole heart, and he did it without even trying. Deacon hosted a low-key event at the park one day, trying to get kids interacting with potential families. Adam didn’t want to talk to anyone but us. He brought a little foam football, told us he’d saved up all his chore money so he could learn to throw it like Deacon did on TV. That was the first time that boy made me cry. The second time was twenty minutes later, after he fell and scraped his knee. I cleaned it up, patched it, and kissed it better. He looked up at me with so much love in those tear-filled eyes, covered my hand with his, and said I’d make the best mama to the luckiest kid in the world. We started the adoption process the next day.” She wipes away her tears as mine roll silently down my cheeks.

“Sometimes you’re not born to your family, not your forever one. Sometimes you are, and tragedy strikes and separates you until you can be together again. And sometimes, despite it all, you find your family. You choose each other every single day, over and over. When you find the people who come into your life and make it whole, you don’t hesitate, Rosie. You grab it before it’s gone, because life without them is no longer living. It’s simply existing.”

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