Page 132 of Unravel Me

“You don’t say.”

“It’s weird, ’cause it’s almost like when I reach for the handle…” She trails off, frowning at me. It’s super frowny, with a side ofI’m gonna castrate you. “You motherf—”

“Ah-ah. Watch your language around innocent ears.”

“Motherforking shirthead.” Her eyes narrow, and she pops a hip, pinning her arms across her chest. My gaze falls to her cleavage—oops—and she yanks her button-up together, stealing my view. “Don’t even think about it.”

“Here we go,” Archie mumbles.

“And you said she doesn’t have a flair for the dramatics?” Marco whispers.

“No, I said her flair for the dramatics wasn’t as big asyours.”

“I’m right here!”

“We certainly know, Rosie.”

I laugh, then turn it into a cough when Rosie glares at me. “C’mon, trouble. Let’s talk in the truck.”

“I know what you’re doing,” she says as I load her into the driver’s seat, the one we’ve adjusted for her three times. “You’re going to give me those eyes—”

“What eyes?” I give her the eyes.

“Those eyes!” She lets me buckle her in. “And then you’re gonna ask me what’s holding me back from driving in that gentle voice that makes me want to tell you everything, and I’m going to fold!”

I climb into the passenger seat, holding my palm face up between us. Her gaze flicks between it and me three whole times before she finally slides her hand against mine, tangles our fingers together. Fuck, it’s a feeling I’ve missed too much, one that makes everything feel so warm and bright and full.

“What’s holding you back from driving?”

She groans, and I chuckle.

“I’m serious. You were excited about our driving lesson today, so I think youwantto do it.”

She saws her lip with her teeth. “I do.”

“But you’re scared.”

She hangs her head. “I’m tired of being scared of simple things.”

“It’s okay to be scared, Rosie. Just because driving is simple for some people doesn’t mean it’s simple for everyone. Is it something I can help you work through?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Wanna give it a shot anyway? You never know.”

“I’m afraid of dying,” she blurts, then waits, gauging my reaction. When I don’t give her one, she goes on. “It’s not really death I’m afraid of, but what comes after unexpected death. The thought of never seeing Connor again, not getting to watch him grow up, it wrecks me. And who will take care of him? He has no grandparents. His own father doesn’t even—” She stops herself, waving the words off, her nose wrinkling. “I know my parents didn’t die in a car accident. But people die in car accidents every single day, and fires are way less likely, and it still happened.

“After they died, I started having a lot of anxiety around the possibility of unexpected death, but once I had Connor, it grew tenfold. Suddenly, I had this little human who depended on me for everything, and all I could think about was what my parents’ final moments were like, knowing they weren’t going to see me again, that I’d be alone. People always say, ‘I can only imagine,’ and I always think it’s silly, because, like, no, you really can’t. But I’ve been imagining it for so long now, and it’s…it’s debilitating. There’s no other way to describe it. It’s like my body quits on me. Fear takes hold of my brain, and I can’t do anything but sit there and imagine the worst-case scenario. I get so lost in my thoughts, Adam. Sometimes it feels like they eat me alive.”

She sniffles, a swallow so audible it hurts my own throat. When a tear slides down her cheek, I catch it on my thumb. “I know it’s only my imagination, but that almost makes it harder, you know? Because if it hurts this much to just imagine it…God, the pain my parents must have experienced in those moments, knowing that was it.”

She swipes a hand through the air, dismissing her own pain, forcing a laugh. “So, yeah, that’s why I’m scared to drive, even though I’d love to learn. Silly, huh?”

“No.”

Her gaze slides to me. “What?”

“Not silly at all. Your fears are real and valid. I can feel your pain, Rosie, and it hurts. I have a thought though. You’re feeling what you’re feeling, this fear of having to say good-bye to Connor, leave him behind, and that’s scary enough on its own…but what if you’re holding onto your parents’ grief too? What if you’re taking on the pain they felt leaving you behind? Their pain that they felt like they were abandoning you?”

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