At least tell me you’re safe.
Where are you?
I can come get you and we can talk.
Why aren’t you fucking texting me back?!
I’m the one who should be mad here, not you.
If you don’t want to talk to me, and would rather be with Devon, just say so.
The Carli I know would never do this…
A sob chokes out of me. Jace wouldn’t understand why I never told him I was pregnant with his child because of Devon’s threats. He wouldn’t understand that I had to protect his child, and his pack. I did it to keep him safe. In a way, I kept this a secret because of him.
I’m sorry for hurting you.
I’m sorry for lying to you, Jace. I really am.
Jace replies a minute later.
Tell me it’s not true. That you aren’t pregnant.
I can’t
Please Carli…please tell me you drove away because you were scared. Tell me all of this is a lie.
It’s true, Jace.
When Jace doesn't respond, I type out my next message, chewing on my bottom lip with nervousness.
I want you to know that I never intended to keep this from you forever. I would have told you about your child at one point, trust me Jace. I would have told you.
But I don’t send it. I delete the words and turn off my phone, then pick up my fork and push my scrambled eggs around my plate. Trying my best to decompress, and figure out where to go next, I sit a while in the gloomy diner and watch the raindrops again. While the skies cry, I do too silently. I’m sick of this feeling. I want to change. I want the hurt and regret to disappear but I don’t understand how to yet. There’s too much at risk. With Devon especially.
Anger surges inside of me when I think of him. He’s at fault for all this happening. Jace and I would have made it out of our conflicts if Devon wasn’t a jackass. One day, I’ll get my revenge on him.
Looking down at my swollen belly, I whisper, “Let’s go get some rest, shall we?”
I’ve been feeling way too exhausted lately. The littlest things make me want to drop into a heap. On top of the tiredness, I also haven't been able to keep food in my stomach long. Then there are the restless feet at night and the weird food cravings that I cry over. The moodiness that gives me headaches, and the fever dreams at night.
When I get to the motel I’ve been staying at for the last two days, I double check the locks on the door and drop a big bag of groceries onto the stained yellow bed that smells musty. Well, beggars can’t be choosers. At least I have somewhere to sleep at night even though the ceilings leak and the tap runs brown water. I take off my shirt and pull the waistband of my jeans under my stomach and breathe in relief.
“What shall we have for dinner? Ramen or protein bars?” I speak aloud, moving around the small room. I feel a kick to my bladder and I laugh. “Ramen it is.”
I’m about to unbutton my jeans, walking to the washroom when I hear a knock at the door. I freeze, eyes wide. No one knows I’m here. No one can know I’m here… I pad slowly and peek through the door hole. No one stands on the other side, but I keep on looking to be sure.
“Carli, open the fucking door.”
I jump back. It's Devon. I’d know his voice anywhere. Slimy and guttural. There’s no way in hell I’m opening up for him. I look back through the door hole. “No,” I shout back.
That’s when he slides into my view. Squatting down a little to look back at me through the tiny hole.
“No? I’ll break the door down if you don’t open up in five seconds.”
Fuck. How did he even find me?
“If you’re wondering how I found you, Care Bear, I have my ways. And you’re way too easy to catch a hold of.”