Page 54 of A Marriage of Anything But Convenience

“I just need to tell you,” he stopped and swallowed, letting go of her wrist. “I’m sorry. I screwed up. I didn’t know how to be a parent to you. Not alone. I was grieving as well and didn’t realize it.” His voice caught and emotion played across his features. “I really messed up.”

Nara couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t speak a word. She’d waited her whole life to hear him apologize for leaving her to deal with her mother’s absence by herself, but now that he was saying the words she had longed to hear, they only made her angry. Why hadn’t he said these words before? Why had it taken all her life? She pressed her lips together, unable to handle the emotions that coursed through her. “Yes, you did,” she said, her voice low.

“You were so young. And I was so inadequate.”

“You were my father,” she said, spitting the words out at him. And now that they were out, more kept coming. “I needed you. And you weren’t there. I know you hated mom for leaving. Blamed her for everything. But it wasn’t all mom’s fault. You left me, too.” Unwanted tears streamed down her face, but she didn’t stop to wipe them.

Her father flinched, as if she’d slapped him in the face. “I didn’t know how to deal with the situation.”

“So, you didn’t.” Nara stepped back from him, hurt and resentment swelling in her chest. She had thought she had grown immune to his actions, but apparently that wasn’t the case.

“You’re right.” Her father dropped his gaze. “I ran away.”

“You left a little girl to fend for herself.” The tears kept coming, but she couldn’t hold back. She’d wanted to say these words to her father for many years. “At least mom told me she was leaving. You didn’t even have the decency to do that. You just broke every promise you ever made to me. You left everything to Grandmother.”

“I know. And now it’s too late,” he said, his voice cracking.

Annoyance burned the back of her throat. She wasn’t going to accept that. Couldn’t accept it. “What do you mean, too late? You don’t know that. You think you’re going to die? Well, let me give you some news. We all die! You think apologizing now, after telling me you have cancer is going to make it all better?” She clenched her hands into fists. “I’ve got news for you. It’s not going to work. You’re not dying, and I’m not going to just let the past twenty years evaporate.”

She was too upset to stand there any longer. She pushed past Derek and stalked out through the house to the car. Derek followed after her. “Nara,” he called when they got outside.

She turned around, facing him, the chilly night air stinging her wet cheeks. “What?” The word came out forceful, like a weapon.

Derek stood there, gazing at her while she tried to regain her composure. She was glad he didn’t tell her to calm down, or she would have lost it. Instead, he just reached out and gently took her hands in his. He didn’t speak. He simply let her be.

She wanted to scream. To run away from him. But she couldn’t do that to him. A strange part of her needed Derek, and she realized this as she threw her arms around him and buried her face in his chest. The tears didn’t slow as she clung to him, his warm arms around her.

Had she really just yelled at her father, after he confessed to having cancer? She couldn’t believe she’d done that, and guilt choked her as she tried to breathe.

She was the worst daughter of all time.

Chapter 25

Derek listened to Nara’s even breathing as he lay next to her in bed. His heart ached for her. For the relationship that she didn’t have with her father. For all the years of hurt and pain she’d suffered, and for the conversation that ended in disaster this evening.

He knew she wanted to mend things with her father. He also knew how difficult it was for her. If he could erase all the years of agony, he would in a heartbeat. The moonlight filtered in through the blinds, landing on her silky, soft hair. It splayed around her, over her pillow, and he couldn’t help but reach out and touch the delicate strands. They slid over his fingers causing him to catch his breath.

Nara stirred and rolled over, startling him, and he jerked his hand back. She stared at him in the dark. “What were you doing?”

“Nothing.” The word came out like a BB gun pellet.

She squinted at him. “You moved your hand when I rolled over.”

“I wasn’t touching you.” Okay, that might have been a lie. Or half-lie. He was touching her hair, which technically wasn’t part of her, except that it was attached.

“Then what were you doing?”

“Do I have to answer?”

Her eyebrows knit and she scoffed. “Yes.”

Dang, the longer he resisted, the worse she would think it was. How embarrassing. He had to confess. “I just wanted to see if your hair was soft.”

A look crossed her face that he couldn’t read. Then it vanished and she smiled. “Was it?”

Oh, man, what was he supposed to say to that? He swallowed, trying to think of something non-creepy. “I guess.”

I guess? That’s what came out? He was such an idiot. He should have gone right to sleep.

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