Page 53 of A Marriage of Anything But Convenience

“He’s out of the hospital.” Derek slid his phone into his pocket. “He wants us to come over after we eat.”

A deep foreboding settled in Nara’s stomach. Even though she knew she wouldn’t be able to eat, she sat there and stared at her food for another ten minutes.

Chapter 24

Nara held her breath as she and Derek entered her father’s home. The home she’d grown up in. The home that housed so much pain for her as a child. She hadn’t been back since she left for New York five years ago. The past pricked at her as she took in the entryway. Nothing had changed. The large print of a The Great Wave off Kanagawa on one wall, the decorative table housing an antique Japanese vase, and her father’s shoes nestled into the cubby. The only thing missing were her own shoes next to his.

She braced herself as she breathed in the familiar scent of wood polish and pine sol. She wondered if Rosa was still coming twice a week, or if she’d moved on like everyone else. She shoved her hands into her jacket pockets and led Derek into the living room. “Dad?” she called.

“In here,” he said, his voice coming from his study. Of course. He was always in his study.

But when she walked in, she didn’t find him at his computer where he normally sat. He was in his recliner, his arm in a sling. His hair was disheveled, and his skin pale. He looked like life had beaten him down, and guilt tugged at her heart. Had she been a part of that? “Hey, dad,” she managed to say.

“Nara. Derek. Please come sit down.” He motioned to the leather love seat that was in the corner.

Nara sat and placed her hands between her knees. She knew already she didn’t want to hear what her father was going to say. Derek put his arm around her shoulders, which was a sweet gesture. She appreciated that he was here with her.

“I don’t know how to say this, so I’m just going to say it.” Her father paused and took in a breath. “I have colon cancer.”

Nara had prepared herself for it, but even though she knew he was going to say the word, it still sent a jolt through her. She pressed her lips together, waiting for the rest of it. The prognosis. How long did he have to live?

Her father didn’t say anything else, so Derek cleared his throat. “What stage is the cancer?”

“The doctors don’t know yet. I go in for a CT scan tomorrow. If the cancer hasn’t spread, there’s a good chance of recovery. If it’s spread to other organs…” Her father’s expression grew grim. “If it’s spread, then most likely they won’t be able to cure it.”

Ice formed in Nara’s veins and she had a hard time just sitting there. Her first instinct was to ask him how long he’d been struggling with symptoms. How long he’d waited to go to the doctor. She wanted to scream at him, because she knew his nature. She knew he waited until he couldn’t wait any longer, which meant a very good chance that this hadn’t been caught early.

But yelling at him wasn’t going to help, so she clamped her jaw shut and stopped the words from coming out. She didn’t want one of the last conversations she’d had with her father to end with her getting mad at him.

“When will they know?” Derek asked, his voice soft. Calm. How could he be so calm? She was a raging storm inside.

“Next week.”

“How are you feeling?” Derek asked.

“I’m…okay.” The hesitation told her everything she needed to know.

Nara squeezed her hands, desperately trying not to come undone. Her father did this to himself. Why was everyone just sitting there, like it was okay? She wanted to shout at the top of her lungs how unfair this was for him to do to her. He was a selfish man, even in death. There was no other way to frame this. Selfish and prideful.

But even as she grew angry inside, she knew she shouldn’t be. Her roommate in college had a brother with colon cancer. He’d had surgery and a little chemotherapy and was fine. The cancer was totally gone now. Maybe the same would happen with her father.

As Derek talked with her father, she became impatient. Her leg wouldn’t stop bouncing. She wanted to get out of there. Needed fresh air. But they kept on talking until she thought she would suffocate from the muggy smell in the room.

“Okay,” Derek finally said, then stood and clasped his hands together. “At least we know what we’re dealing with. I hope your wrist feels better soon.” He crossed the room and gave her father a hug.

Nara swallowed down more guilt. Why was it so easy for Derek to hug her father? It looked so natural for them. And here she was, suddenly feeling anxious that if she didn’t hug her father things would turn awkward. But if she did, it would be strange and obvious she was trying too hard.

Derek stepped back from her father, and she knew if she didn’t stand and cross the room now, she wasn’t going to do it. She forced her legs to work. As she approached her father, she saw the look of surprise on his face. It cut her to the core. Was she that cold toward him?

She lowered herself to him, giving him a quick embrace. Then she stood back and shifted her weight, unsure of what was appropriate to say. “Let us know when you hear something.”

He nodded. She turned to leave, but her father caught her wrist with his good hand. “Wait.”

Nara turned back to him the room suddenly too hot. “What?”

Her father’s features softened, and he gazed at her a moment. “I know I haven’t been a good father to you.”

Her throat grew tight and she shook her head. She didn’t want to hear a deathbed speech. Not right now. Not any time. “Don’t.” The word slipped out without her meaning to say it, but she didn’t take it back.

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