Page 47 of Always Yours

“Okay. I’m ready.”

He clears his throat. “I love you, Ally.”

I feel the warmth of a blush cross my cheeks. “I love you, too, Austin.”

He shakes his head and scoots closer to me. “No, I mean, I love you. I’ve loved you forever. Since we were younger, I’ve wanted to be your man.”

I scoot back from him. “Don’t lie to me, Austin.”

He lets his hand fall from mine as he breathes out. “I’m not. I’m not lying to you. All these years, I’ve wished we could be more.”

My hand curls into a fist in my lap. “But why didn’t you say anything? Why didn’t you tell me?”

It almost looks like heartbreak in his smile. “Because I couldn’t give you the one thing you always wanted.”

I search his face and start to stutter. “What… but…What are you talking about? What is it that you think you couldn’t give me?”

He looks over at Kennedy, and his face softens, but his words are hard and regretful. “I couldn’t give you a child, Ally.”

“What? What do you mean?”

He shakes his head and looks down at his hands in his lap. “Remember in high school and I got hurt our sophomore year?”

I try to recall all those years ago. “In the baseball game?”

He nods. “Yeah, it was worse than I let on. I’m unable to…”

He lets his voice trail off, but I get the gist of what he’s telling me. “But I don’t understand… what does that have to do with you and me?”

He lifts his eyes to mine. “Ally, forever you talked about wanting to have a family of your own. You talked about getting pregnant and having kids, and I knew I couldn’t do that for you even though I wanted it more than anything. I thought I was doing the right thing, and I did, because there’s no denying you having Kennedy is worth it.”

I shake my head, not understanding. “But I don’t get it. It doesn’t make sense. If this was true, Austin, then you wouldn’t have asked me to marry you. You wouldn’t have insisted we get married.”

His whole body shudders as he begins to talk. “I thought I was being a good friend by standing to the side while you dated other men. I wanted you to be happy, but fuck, Ally, knowing you were with another man, knowing that I could lose you forever, I couldn’t do it. I was selfish, and I know I should have told you all this before I practically forced you to marry me, but I didn’t.”

I’m quiet, trying to collect my thoughts, knowing that what I’m about to say could change any and everything between us.

Chapter26

Austin

She’s going to end it. She’s going to walk away from me, and I’ll never survive it. I go to my knees on the floor in front of her. “Listen to me Ally. I love you, and I know you don’t feel the same. I know I went about this all wrong, but I want you to be happy. I figure you have two options.”

She juts her chin at me. “Oh yeah, two options, huh? Well, since you seem to have my whole life mapped out, please tell me what my two options are.”

She’s mad. I knew she would be. Ally and I have always been honest with each other, and I knew she wouldn’t take it well that I had lied to her all these years.

There’s a pain in my chest, and I know it’s from my heart breaking in two. “So no matter which option you choose, you have to know that you and Ally will be cared for. Gregory is out of the picture, and he won’t give you any problems.”

She crosses her arms over her chest. I want to pull her into my arms, but I resist. “Option one, you divorce me. You can live in a house down the street, and I’ll still be here for you and Kennedy.”

She snarls her nose up at me, and I continue. “Option two, you stay married to me. You let me prove to you for the rest of our lives how much I love you and how important your happiness is to me. You let me be Kennedy’s father for real. And when you want more children down the road, we can adopt or whatever you want to do.”

She leans forward. “So you’re giving me an option.”

I nod but then shake my head no. I wanted to be the bigger man. I want to put her choices before my own, but the fear of her leaving me is too much to handle. “Fuck, I want to, Ally. I want you to have what you want, but the truth is, I can’t let you and Kennedy go. You have one option and that option is me. If you need time, I can give you that, but I can’t let you go. Please don’t ask me to.”

She shoots to her feet and stands over me. I rise from my crouched position, and the fear that she’s about to walk away from me has me grabbing her arms to hold her still. The look she’s giving me makes it impossible to know what she’s thinking.

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