Page 44 of Until the Day You're Mine

This is where Cy’s sacrifice has led him to. His brother lays motionless in the hospital bed, as he has for many weeks now. They simply expected Rian to be okay withpulling the plug. The doctor has said as much. They couldn’t afford to keep the systems on, and his brother had no brain activity. His organs didn’t function on their own and had begun failing. No matter how many times Rian places his hand over Cy’s still beating heart to reassure himself he would be alright, the day has finally come, when he simply has to say goodbye.

Looking at Cy now, Rian can’t believe that he was the one still breathing. Cyril had been the strong one. He had been his rock, his protector, his best friend, and his voice when Rian couldn’t bring himself to speak up or defend himself when they were kids. Cy had given up his comfort and dreams for Ri to have a better life.

Rian had been informed by his aunt Monica during one of her awkward ramblings, while she stood about the hospital room uselessly, that their parents had passed away the previous year. He had been furious she had tried to shame him, right next to Cy’s hospital bed, for not having tried to reconnect with them before they hadgone to heaven, as she insisted on saying, rather than stating the truth.

He wanted to remind her that they hadn’t passed away from old age. Their brains had finally fizzled enough for them to lose track of what they had been up to and cause an explosion in their derelict home. Their RV had burned to a crisp in a matter of minutes.

Rian doesn’t bother responding to her nonsense ramblings. He has learned long ago that people who have the audacity to defend parents like his own were not the sort of people, Rian could reason with or hope to be supported by.

Dear Aunt Monica had been very familiar with the extent of the abuse Ri and Cy had suffered at the hands of their parents. Hell, she had been present for most of it, albeit inebriated and sprawled out on the small kitchen nook or straight up on the floor of their filthy bathroom.

She didn’t fail to tell him, that she, herself, was on the straight and narrow with the help of Jesus. She showed him a sponsor’s chip from AA, signifying that she had been sober for one hundred days. There was a slight tremor in her hands as she did that, and it disgusted Rian that she felt the need to lie to him, even as she smelled of vodka.

When the two brothers had finally gotten the courage to run away, no one wasted time looking for them. Cyril had been able to graduate early from high school and began planning a way to leave and enlist in the Army. As soon as he was ready to make his move, he had packed their stuff, and they hurriedly left everything else behind.

Rian had been only sixteen at the time. Lost. Clueless. Traumatized beyond reason. Cyril had insisted that Rian must do his best, focus on his studies and keep up his grades. Make something of himself.Cyril would take care of him. Of everything.

“Stay focused, Ri. I never want either of us to become like our parents.”

“I’ll never abandon you, Ri. I got your back no matter where I am.”

“We’re all the family we need, Ri. Just us. You and I. Always and forever.”

“I won’t let anyone ever get between us. We’re a package deal, baby.”

Rian wishes he could scream in his face, that Cy was a liar to promise him the impossible. He is angry at himself, for allowing Cyril to convince him time and time again, that he would always come back to him no matter what. That he was invincible. And above all, Rian is sorry he hadn’t noticed anything unusual about Cy’s behavior.

In retrospect, Rian remembers that Cyril had been a little bit withdrawn and strangely quiet upon his return from his last tour in Afghanistan.He hadn’t given it much thought.

Rian had been busy with work – he had just booked his first paid publishing gig. The job was extremely stressful, but a dream come true, nonetheless.

It had been a lucky break, as the author who was originally contracted had pulled out with little notice. Rian had jumped at the opportunity to take over the job – a Christmas book with original illustrations and rhymes. Rian had only three weeks to complete the project or he would lose the advance and the opportunity to take on other paid engagements with the publishing company he had been interning with for the last year. If his book did well commercially, this could mean full-time employment, new work opportunities, and finally, the financial safety that would have convinced Cyril to stay home once and for all. And once Cyril was back, Ty would have followed.

The pressure to exceed expectations with his designs, kept Rian constantly occupied with work. He had barely spent any time with Cy, instead focusing on getting everything executed to perfection. Cyril himself had encouraged him. He had praised all his drafts and had cheered him on every time Rian was stuck on some detail or other.

“You got this, Ri. Your book is coming along great! I know you’ll figure all the details out.”

Rian kept telling himself that his brother was simply tired and finally itching to retire from his military career. Rian hoped that once his work took off, he would be able to look after them financially.

Cy could have simply come home and finally thought about himself for once and chased some of his dreams.Cyril had always been interested in psychology and philosophy, his nose permanently stuck in a book during his breaks from active duty. Rian had desperately hoped all the college leaflets and sign-up forms he was leaving around their tiny apartment would have finally taken root and get filled out.

Rian had thrown himself into his work, barely sharing an hour here and there with Cy.

He had finished the project and submitted his work on the very same day he got the call from the emergency room. He was informed his brother had been in an accident, but the words of the dispatcher simply couldn’t penetrate through the haze of frantic dread that had taken over his entire body. He couldn’t even remember by what means he had left their small apartment and gotten himself to the hospital.

The detective who met him there was asking him strange questions, implying something unimaginable to Rian – that Cyril may have walked into oncoming traffic in an apparent suicide attempt. He had rambled on and on about how common depression and PTSD were among veterans. He supposed Cyril might have been dealing with a lot more than Rian would have been able to recognize, as someone not familiar with the hardships associated with military life.

Rian had been completely stunned, but quickly gathered his wits about him and refused to entertain the ridiculous speculation even for the briefest of moments. His brother may have seemed a bit distant in the past few weeks, but he would never do this to himself.

He would never do this to Rian.

The quiet hum of the machines breathing instead of his brother brings him back to his current predicament. The irony of it all – he had hoped to be the one to look after Cy one day, and here they are. He gets to decide on behalf of his brother for once. The first order of business is to choose the precise time of his death.

A man bursts through the door looking frantic, rushing to Cy’s bedside. Rian is startled at first, but the sudden intrusion gives him a welcomed respite from his spiraling emotions. For a moment, Rian feels strangely detached as if he were merely in the hospital to observe. As if he has nothing to do with the fading life right in front of him.

This person has intruded on the most intimate and painful episode of his existence, stealing it away and filling it with his imposing presence. The only thing Rian feels capable of doing is watching this scene unfold as if he has nothing to do with it.

Rian carefully observes the man who still hasn’t made eye contact with him. He is leaning over Cy, while Rian sits in a chair on the other side of the bed, holding his hand. They are so close, yet the man seems so taken with concern over Cy’s condition, he completely ignores Rian.

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