Page 118 of Until the Day You're Mine

Rian can't remember the last time he has felt this secure and protected.

Ty drags his fingers through Rian's short locks and kisses his forehead. Rian loves all the attention he is giving him – this quiet praise, reaffirming that he is still very much attractive to Ty. He is so gentle with Rian that it chokes him. Tayida is an incredibly affectionate partner – there is never a moment he doesn’t reach for Rian, even if it is only to give his hand a quick squeeze, kiss his shoulder or wrap his powerful arms around him for a sweet bear hug. Ri can’t imagine ever being deprived of his touch, but that possibility is still looming over them. The prospect of losing Tayida and Bran terrifies him.

He exhales deeply, in a futile attempt to calm his nerves, but there is no hiding how choppy his breathing has suddenly gone from the overwhelming emotions that have taken hold of his faculties.

The way Ty has him in a tight secure hold reminds him so much of Cyril. This is how they used to cling to each other in their childhood home, hiding from their parents. Holding Rian was the only thing Cyril could do to give him comfort.

Ty kisses his hairline and slowly drags his fingers over Rian’s back, then scoops him even closer.

“Cyril used to shave my head with clippers, blunt scissors, once even with a knife over the sink in the school bathroom – anything that he could use to get rid of my hair. He did that every week. He stopped only after we ran away.”

Ty doesn’t say anything. He simply kisses his hair again and holds him tight.

He understands this shit is hard to talk about. In all fairness, Rian suspects he doesn't need to say anything – Ty must know all about their past. But he still wants to reveal this dark corner of his soul to Ty, for his own sake.

Rian is grateful his lover gives him the quiet he needs to organize his thoughts.

“Did Cyril tell you, we’re not brothers? Not in the biological sense at least.”

He can feel Ty shift and nod. Rian swallows and lets his racing heart calm down for another long moment.

The silence tells him that his words thus far are enough. He can say more, or he can stop talking. Ty will accept either.

He pushes forward.

“For most of our lives we honestly thought that we were. Only much later, we found out Cyril is Monica’s son. Technically, he is my second cousin. Believe it or not, the state had deemed my parents better equipped than my aunt Monica to look after Cyril and they had become his guardians shortly after he was born. We only found out by accidentally opening some letters that had arrived addressed to him directly. It was something from social services, it said that he wasn’t eligible for financial allowance anymore. Additional documents were attached, referencing his birth certificate. Nothing changed for us. We loved each other just the same. He was my brother and that was that. But knowing this helped us facilitate our escape from that fucked-up hellhole.”

He swallows hard, then goes on before he can lose his courage. “Monica got him his papers back, his birth certificate, and mine, so we could leave. He was eighteen. He didn't need permission from anyone, and the state had stopped paying for him a long time ago, but I was about to turn sixteen, still underaged.

“Cyril had to make a deal with her, so she would convince my parents not to look for me. She told them that we’d been approached by the police, got scared, and ran away.

“It worked – they didn't look for us. Monica only wanted one thing in return for her help. The money from his pension should he be killed in active duty. Cy had to tell her what his plan was to convince her there was something in it for her. She was so sure he was going to get killed much sooner, that she was happy to roll the dice on that payout and agreed. I guess in a way she didn’t see him as her son either. She had no qualms about what we were actually going to do when we managed to get out.

“While we were growing up, my parents...” He can't help but sob, the difficult words choking him again.

“Rian ––”

“I know. I know – it was a long time ago. I should be over it by now ––”

Ty roars, “No!”

Rian looks up startled. Ty’s eyes are glassy with tears.

“No,” he repeats, with a much calmer tone. “I know what they did to you. I know what they forced Cyril to do to you. There isn’t enough time in eternity where I would ever expect you to be over it. If anything, I have no idea how you turned out to be this amazing person, having gone through that fucking nightmare. I would have ended it before I would ever have the courage to run.”

“I tried. Cyril stopped me…took me to the hospital. The cut wasn’t deep enough to cause serious damage.” Rian takes Ty’s hand and guides his fingertips, tracing the discolored lines on the inside of his forearms, almost in the middle. “I didn’t know how to do it right…”

Ty is crying with him now. Rian kisses him through muffled sobs, both muttering, “I love you.”

Rian isn’t done. There is more he needs to say, but he is afraid. Tayida may have a vague idea about their terrible childhood, but Rian still fears, that once the whole truth is out, he might be repulsed by him. Worst of all, by Cyril. Tayida may think he knows enough, but from what he’s mentioned thus far, Rian gathers that Cyril has left it up to him to share their true tragic story. It would be so much easier if he stopped talking now and allowed Ty to protect him from his nightmares, fight his battles, and be his champion. Exactly like Cyril.

But Rian knows, they can’t live their life concealing lies. Rian is done being ashamed for things, that have beendone to him.

His quiet voice is barely audible, only for Ty to hear. “I don’t even remember the first time it happened. I don’t want to imagine how old I must have been. All I ever knew was that this was something we were told to do. A game. An act.

“When our parents were forced to send us to school, it was such a shock – not being able to touch him, seek comfort. I think Cyril figured it out faster than I did. That it was wrong. The way we affected each other. The way we wereinstructedto perform. We were only…” Ri chokes on another sob but refuses to slow down. His truth must be spoken. Rian must reveal all of himself to the man he loves. He needs to know Tayida loves him despite everything Rian’s been through.

“Cyril started refusing to comply with the things they told him to do. He got beaten badly every time he saidno. Despite the abuse he endured regularly, he still wouldn’t allow them to do this to us.

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