Page 54 of The Lost Child

“What is it? Let’s go!”

I took a step forward, then glanced around at my surroundings. I could not explain to her the multitude of feelings swarming my chest.Bad things happened when you left,my brain shouted at me. Years of abuse draped my shoulders like heavy weights, and I stared at the ground. How could I explain it in a way Nerissa would understand?

Good things have also happened,I argued to myself.

I jumped slightly as something touched me, but it was just Nerissa taking my hand. “I know it’s hard. I’ll help you. Just focus on me.”

She tugged me forward, and I stumbled after her one step.

“I saw you on your first day here. Have I told you that?”

She had. She’d told me the first time she’d come down here in the darkness. I’d filed away everything she’d said that day, stored it in my mind to replay on a loop in case I never saw her again. I never had visitors that the master didn’t always end up making me kill.

I took another step forward.

“You were scrawny then. Can you believe it? Just this pale, skinny thing with bright red hair and huge, green eyes. You kept reaching for someone who wasn’t there.”

My eyes closed as I let her voice take me away. I wanted to believe there’d been a time where my life had existed outside of this cage. I wanted to believe it so badly. A woman’s face swam in the depths of my mind, her skin far too light to be Nerissa. It shined and glittered when the sun hit it.

I had a mother.

One more step.

“I never saw her, but my father mentioned her. She was sold to someone else. She might still be out there. Wouldn’t you like to try to find her?”

It seemed impossible. Irrational. Creatures like me didn’t have mothers. And yet … I could almost remember; a voice singing songs to me and someone else; someone who wasn’t yet here. I could see a large, rounded stomach in my mind’s eye, and long, white hair and scales flashing different colors. My colors.

I took another step, level with the bars.

“We will look for her, you and me. Together.”

Monsters didn’t have mothers or mates. But I already had one, so was the other so far outside comprehension?

If I had a mother, I wanted to see her. Even if she didn’t want to see me.

I couldn’t take that last step past the bars on my own. Even with Nerissa’s hand in mine, it was too far. It was too much. I tried anyway, sticking one foot out past the bars.

Nausea exploded in my gut, so suddenly that I staggered down to one knee. All the strength I’d just felt drained completely, leaving me heaving and shocked, rocking on the ground. Nerissa was at my side a moment later, her cool hands wrapping around my head.

“No! It was supposed to break your blood bond to him!”

I tried to focus on her, but the world was spinning. Nerissa’s skin felt cold and clammy, against mine, and she suddenly didn’t look as sure-footed herself.

“We did it wrong. I don’t know what’s happening. We still need to get out! Come on!”

She tried to push me forward. I stumbled over her trying to get back inside my cage, and we ended up on the ground in a pile of limbs. Nerissa detangled herself, then went still on her hands and knees, eyes screwed shut as if in pain.

“No Canavar, don’t go back inside!”

I had to. She wasn’t the one feeling as though her insides were constantly trying to get out. I dragged myself back into my cave, sighing happily as the sickness abated. The cold dirt felt good against my heated brow.

Her hands landed on my back like two little blocks of ice. “Please, Canavar. Get up! We have to go!”

Nerissa didn’t understand; I couldn’t. Whether it was the blood curse or just my own inability, I wasn’t able to simply walk away. Had I ever been able to? It didn’t matter now.

“No,” I groaned, trying to push her away. She needed to get away while she could. I wouldn’t be able to join her. I couldn’t move if the world kept spinning around me.

Nerissa fell to her knees next to my side. “Please, Canavar. I know it’s hard. I know it hurts. I know it goes against everything you had beaten into you the last decade or so. He’s beaten me as well! But we can’t lay down and die. We can’t let him win! Fight it!”

---