Page 8 of The Little Black Rose

Nope. Not going to think of that woman.

Anyway, Ava has always been a bit of a wild card. She’s impulsive and gives zero fucks about the consequences. She just does whatever feels good, and that night, I made her feelgood. She doesn’t hold any tender feelings for me. Never has and never will. And I refuse to let myself get sucked into some fantasy realm where I think some special person in my life cares about me like I care about them.

Not again.

It would be so easy to go there with Ava. Yes, she’s a wild child. And no, I didn’t mind it one bit when that wildness had me coming in two minutes like a wet-behind-the-ears teenager. But she’s more than that. I’m an observer, by nature, and I’ve seen the way she cares about the people around her.

Memories from our youth trickle in, and I lean back against the counter and let them flow unhindered. Ava, Zoey and I used to be inseparable. We did everything together until I met…she who shall not be named,and I drifted away from them. And after that ended, well, I just wasn’t the same man I was before.

I decided I was never going to fall in love again, and I’ve kept that resolution going strong for years. And when I felt a crack forming in that wall I built after making Ava scream with pleasure, I panicked.

I knew being an ass and pissing her off would redraw the lines between us, and I was right. Fuck, I didn’t really care if Zoey found out about it. We’re both adults, and I know Zoey wouldlovefor us to end up together, completing the circle. So, asking Ava to keep it quiet was like killing two birds with one stone––it guaranteed nothing more would happen between Ava and me, saving me the trouble of trying to keep my heart out of it, and it saved me what I know would be many, many conversations with Zoey about how Ava and I belong together.

My twin is a total romantic, and she’d see my impulsive one-night stand with Ava as some kind of sign. I know she only wants me to be happy and in love like her, and she completely disagrees with my assertation that that ship has sailed.

I’ll never fall in love again. The consequences are too devastating.

But as easily as I pretended nonchalance with Zoey earlier, I can’t help but wonder…

What’s going on with Ava that has her so concerned? Is she okay? Does she need me?

I straighten and shake my head. No. Ava doesn’t need me. Why would she? I’m nobody to her, and that’s the way it should be. And she’s nobody to me.

And maybe one day, I’ll actually believe that.

Chapter4

Kitties and Titties

Ava

“Hey there, sweet pea,” I coo as my office cat, Pepperoni, jumps onto the counter to greet me. I run my hand along the length of his back, and the sounds of his purrs fill the silence around me. “How’s my big boy this morning?”

Leaving him to follow, I walk into the back and flip on the lights. A cacophony of meows greets my ears, and I hold my breath as my stomach roils. Twenty-two felines reside atCurious Catsright now, which means there are twenty-two litter boxes that haven’t been cleaned since my last volunteer left last night. And my fucking sense of smell is off-the-charts sensitive thanks to my little bun in the oven.

As quickly as I can, I pull each cat from the crates they stay in at night and take them to the large common room I have set up with beds, couches, climbing structures, and toys. The walls of the room are made of glass so I and the other workers can keep an eye on them throughout the day, as well as making them visible to prospective adopters. By the time I’m done, I have to step outside to breathe in some fresh air.

I shake my head as the nausea fades. This has been going on for a few weeks, and I was too stubborn to admit to myself something bigger was going on even though the smells of this place never affected me before. I always had a ready excuse while my brain staunchly refused to even consider I might be pregnant.

And I continued to clean the litter boxes, despite knowing on some bone-deep level I shouldn’t. One of my volunteers quit last year after finding out she was pregnant, mentioning the litter boxes, and I ran a quick internet search this morning before I came in.

Toxoplasmosis. There can be parasites in cat poop that can infect a pregnant woman, causing problems for the baby later in life. Blindness. Mental disability.

Fucking internet.

Now, I’m trying not to freak out over all the shit I’ve scooped over the last three months. The articles I read stated that the parasites don’t become infectious until one to five days later, and we here atCurious Catsnever leave a litter box dirty that long, so I should be okay. Hopefully.

But I won’t be cleaning the boxes again until the baby’s born, which means I’m going to have to tell my crew about the pregnancy. Two cars pull into the lot, and I smile as Chuck and Hayley climb out of them and head toward me.

“Morning, boss,” Chuck says, and I return the greeting as he walks past me through the door I’m holding open.

“You okay? You look a little green,” Hayley says, stopping in front of me as her eyes rove over my face.

“I’m fine,” I say, shooing her inside. I follow her in, then call out loud enough for Chuck to hear me in the back, “Team meeting when Sasha gets here.”

I only have three daytime volunteers right now, all retirees, plus a couple of teenagers that come in after school to help in the afternoons and on weekends. This place is my dream, and thanks to the inheritance my parents left me and some wise investments, I can live comfortably on the small paycheck I take from the adoption proceeds. Most of the money goes right back into the facility and the resources needed to care for the cats.

The door opens, and Sasha strolls in with a smile. I take a deep breath and call out to Chuck and Hayley. When the three of them line up in front of me, my hands start to shake. This will be the first time I’m admitting the truth out loud since I told Sophie and Zoey.

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