Page 34 of The Little Black Rose

Me:But she doesn’t know I’m having sex dreams about him that bring me to orgasm in my sleep, or that I have to use my vibrator every fucking day to stop me from stripping naked and throwing myself at him.

Sophie:Oh.

Me:“Oh” is right.

Her picture pops up on my screen as the phone starts to ring, and I slide my thumb across the surface to answer it before tapping on the speaker option.

“Kill me now. Put me out of my misery,” I say.

“You’re having orgasms in your sleep? How does that work? And can I somehow make it happen for myself?”

“Not helpful, Soph.”

She chuckles. “Sorry. Sorry. That’s just…amazing.”

“What am I going to do?” I say, hating the whining sound of my voice.

“Has he given off any do-me vibes? Done anything to make you think he might want to get naked and dirty with you?” she asks.

“No. Nothing,” I sigh. “I mean, he’s very considerate and helpful. He treats me like a queen, but it’s only because I’m carrying his babies. Every time he touches me, I can tell it’s innocent for him, but it sets me on fire, Sophie. I’m sure it’s the pregnancy hormones driving me crazy.”

“I’m not so sure about that,” she says quietly.

“What do you mean?”

“Ava, there’s no point in denying you have some sort of feelings for him. You were practically in love with him for years, and you mourned him when he broke up with Samantha and became so closed off. We never talked about it with you, but it was obvious to meandZoey. Then you had a hot one-night stand with him out of nowhere, and as much as you love to talk a big game, I know you. You wouldn’t have done that if there wasn’t something there. And through all of that, youweren’tswayed by pregnancy hormones.”

She’s right. I know she is. But I still can’t bring myself to admit it…not out loud, anyway.

“You and Zoey talked about me behind my back?” I say instead.

“Nope. You’re not doing that. No changing the subject. Tell me how youfeel.”

“I can’t,” I say softly.

“Why not?”

“Because if I say it out loud, then it’s real. And if it’s real, then I’m well and truly fucked.”

“Ava, you’re not fucked.”

“Yes, I am,” I argue, ignoring the fact that I’m being sullen and childish.

I’m allowed to be. It’s in all the pregnancy books. Mood swings and all that shit.

“Let me ask you this. Do you think a man who feels nothing for a woman would insist on moving in with her?”

“Uh…yeah? I mean, he’s made it very clear he’s only here because he wants to be fully involved in this pregnancy.”

“Fully involved?” she scoffs. “You’rethe one who’s pregnant, Ava. He can’t really do anything for the babies until they’re born. But he can take care ofyou.”

“Yeah. Because I’m carrying his children,” I say.

“Why are you being so stubborn?”

“I’m not, Sophie. I’m being a realist. Zeke wasn’t satisfied with text updates and only coming to doctor appointments. He moved in so he could be a full participant in this pregnancy.”

“And how does heparticipate?”

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