Page 20 of The Little Black Rose

“Hell, no. You?” she shoots back.

“No fucking way,” I say, my smile growing into a full grin.

Ava sucks in a quick breath, then shakes her head in a self-deprecating way I don’t understand. Then she sighs, and moves toward the door.

“I can’t wait another minute, or I’m going to pee my pants. Can you wait for the doctor to get back?”

“Of course,” I say, and she nods before pulling open the door and walking out.

She left the ultrasound pictures on the table, so I walk over and pick them up. The little white blobs don’t really look human yet, but very soon, they will. In just a little over five months, these two precious babies will be in my arms.

And though I swore to never love again after Samantha, I’m already so in love with these two little nuggets, I can feel my heart beating outside my chest. Like nothing else in the world matters but them. Like I would strike myself down before letting anything or anyone harm them. And if this is what real love feels like…

I’m not sure I really ever lovedher, at all.

Before I can explore this sudden revelation, the door opens. Dr. Kohatsu walks in with some paperwork, and when she looks around for Ava, I explain that she’s in the ladies’ room. The doctor gives me a knowing smile, and hands me a small square of paper.

“This is a prescription for prenatal vitamins. Make sure Ava takes one every day.”

“I will,” I promise. “Can I ask you about the possible dangers? I know multiples can make things more complicated. Is there anything I should keep an eye out for? Any warning signs that something’s not right?”

Dr. Kohatsu gives me a comforting smile. “She’s out of her first trimester, meaning the risk of miscarriage has lowered dramatically. The blood and urine tests I’ve scheduled will give us a better insight, but so far, this looks like a normal, healthy pregnancy. The babies look perfect, and Ava’s blood pressure is within the healthy range. Just watch out for any abnormal pain or spotting. And you can always call me with any questions or concerns.”

“Thank you, doctor,” I say.

“You’re very welcome. Congratulations, again, and make sure Ava schedules her twenty-week appointment with reception before you leave. We should be able to tell the gender of the babies by then, if you both decide you want to know.”

With one last smile, she walks out. My eyes glaze over as I think about the babies and what gender they may be. Two boys? Two girls? One of each, like Zoey and me? Which combination would I prefer?

Before I can decide, Ava walks in. My eyes blink into focus to see her staring at me strangely, and I shake my head with a laugh.

“Dr. Kohatsu brought your prescription. She said we might be able to find out the genders at our next appointment, and I was imagining… Do you want to find out, or be surprised when they’re born?”

Her mouth twists as she thinks, then she wobbles her head. “I don’t think I can wait.”

“Oh, thank God,” I breathe. “I was afraid I was going to have to go behind your back and find out without your knowing, then try to keep it a secret until they’re born.”

A laugh barks out of her, and it’s the sweetest sound I’ve heard in a very long time. I know she’s stressed out about this pregnancy. About being a single mother, despite my insistence that she’s not alone in this. And adding a second baby to the mix only intensified her anxiety.

So, knowing I can make her laugh, relieve some of that tension in even the smallest of ways, makes me feel warm all over.

We head out to reception and make our next appointment. Ava and I both enter the date and time into the calendars on our phones before thanking the receptionist. Then Ava asks for a pair of scissors, and I watch as she cuts the strip of ultrasound pictures in half.

“I thought you might want to keep a copy,” she says, handing me a strip with pictures of each baby on it.

“Thank you,” I whisper, studying each image before meeting her gaze again.

“You’re welcome.”

As we walk out into the bright Nevada sunshine, I tell Ava what the doctor said about reporting any pain or spotting. I pretty much order her to call me if anything strange starts happening, whether she thinks it’s bad, or not. She agrees, but I’m still feeling on edge.

Ava is a strong, independent person. She’s taken care of herself for most of her adult life, and as far as I can tell, hates asking for help in any capacity.

Will she call me if something happens? If she’s scared or confused? Or will she pull anAvaand suck it up, pretending everything is okay and leaving me in the dark?

I guess I’m going to have to trust her. She knows how important this is to both of us, and she won’t take any chances with the lives of our babies. Trusting her to be transparent with me is the only option I have.

Right?

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