“I have.”
She lets out a cute growl. “Stop being so…honest. I’m mad at you and need to yell at you, but you’re making it really freaking hard when you’re not fighting back and you’re one second away from face-planting in this mess.”
I sway on my feet, proving her right.
Worried Iwillhit the floor, I lean my shoulder into the doorjamb. I don’t have the energy to sidestep the subject any longer. “I’m sorry.”
She sags forward and rubs the space between her brows. “At the Yard Goat, you asked if we could hit pause on our talk. You mentioned that you had more you’d like to discuss. What did you want to say?”
I’m in love with you. I wanted to talk to Jake and ask for his blessing to finally take you out.Truths that will only hurt us more now. “Nothing important. Nothing worth talking about at this hour.”
She makes a huffy sound and stares at the mess on the floor, then she skewers me with intense eyes that nearly blow me through the wall. “I don’t believe you, and I’m exhausted from keeping my feelings inside. I’m barely sleeping these days and can’t seem to move forward, because the truth of the matter is I’m crazy about you.”
She breathes faster, her brutal honesty carving off pieces of my heart. “I think you feel the same, but you’re scared to hurt Jake and your family. And I get it.I’mscared of it all. But Jake knows I’m not interested. When I spoke to him about him and me, he actually agreed that he was living in the past, not acting on current feelings. Wejokedabout the end of our relationship before WITSEC and that we’re not really compatible.”
“No.” I shake my head emphatically. “He told you what you wanted to hear. Fact is, he’s devastated. Haven’t seen him this rough in a while, and I won’t contribute to his pain.”
“Because youdofeel the same about me?”
I blow out a pained breath. Can’t admit what she wants. If I tell her how consumed I am by her voice, her laugh, her stupid mess in my home, I won’t be able to shove those feelings back down.
I stay quiet, bite down on my tongue.
Her nostrils flare. “I guess I’m reading you wrong, then. You’re not dying to know what it’s like to kiss me. To be with each other and finally unleashyearsof pent-up attraction. I guess my feelings are one-sided.”
Goddamn it.
I’m suddenly very awake…and turned on. She’s not playing fair. None of this feels fair. Jolene and I wouldn’t simply connect. We’d be a New Year’s Eve fireworks display. A Thunderbirds airfield show, blasting through the sky, wild and in sync, but…
Talking won’t help. Some things can only be fixed with time. Or not at all.
Jake obviously put on a brave face when Jolene let him down. I won’t hammer the nail in his coffin. Lying is the only way to end this now, and hopefully salvage our friendship later. “My feelings don’t matter, Jo. I won’t hurt Jake or my family. What we’re feeling is only attraction anyway. Nothing more, nothing deeper. I’m working here to get you out of my place as soon as possible. Then we can go back to being friends without all this…stuff.”
“Only attraction,” she murmurs, her expression shell-shocked. She blinks as her attention jumps over the cluttered room. “I amsuchan idiot.”
A rush of red rises to her cheeks. Glossiness sheens her chestnut eyes.Upset.I’ve upset the one woman I’d give my life for, and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.
“I really thought you felt the same. Was so sure, but…” She breathes harder, more red rising to her face. “I’m so sorry, Cal. I never should’ve said anything. I’m moving out. To the couch at the Barrel. It’ll be easier for us both.”
“Jo.” That’s all I have. Her whispered name on my lips. No heartfelt words to bridge this gaping divide.
With one last pained look at me, she spins and rushes toward the door, through the chaotic mess of this unkempt place.
“Careful,” I call, feeling gutted. Anxious. Not well.
Why the hell did no one clean up this floor? Why didn’tI?
She doesn’t slow down. Her moves are jerky, and her foot catches on something, pitching her forward. She gasps, flinging out her arms to brace herself.
“Jo!” I yell as I lunge for her. I’m not fast enough.
Her head hits a piece of covered furniture. A sharpthwackthat has my gut plummeting as she sails toward the floor.
chaptertwenty-six
Callahan
“Jolene.Jo.” I leap over strewn equipment, my knees slamming into the floor as I crash to her side. “Jo, honey. You’re okay.Pleasebe okay. Please open your eyes.”