Page 93 of Losing the Rhythm

His name came out suddenly and it felt like someone dropped an ice cube down the back of my shirt. I put a little more distance between us, suddenly feeling like a complete tool. With the soft lighting, and being so vulnerable around Justin, I had completely forgotten that I had already kissed his best friend. That Seth had told me over and over again that he was interested in me as more than just a friend, even if all I kept pushing was friendship.

And that while I kept pushing for friendship, the idea of more excited me as much as it scared the shit out of me.

“Cadence?” It was like Justin sensed something different in me.

“I kissed Seth,” I blurted out, tossing it out in the world.

I was tempted to close my eyes so I wouldn’t see Justin’s expression. I didn’t want to see him hurt or disappointed.

“I know.”

“What?” I asked, my mouth falling open.

“Seth already told us.”

“And you still kissed me?”

Justin pondered something before finally answering. “Well, you aren’t exclusive with him right?”

“Right?” I was trying to figure out where this was going.

“And what did he tell you? What does it mean to him?”

“He said it was up to me, that it can be whatever I want it to be. He’ll accept it.”

Justin shifted closer to me. “Seth doesn’t know what greed is. He was upfront with us about what happened because he knew that we at least had a level of interest too.”

“Everyone. You all talked about it?”

“We talked about our emotions. We always talk about our emotions. There’s five of us and Seth has an aunt who he adores, and he’s taken a lot of notes from her. Which means talking. Lots of communication. If we talk about it, it doesn’t fester and blow up in our faces later. We’re able to work out issues before they even become an issue. Misunderstandings don’t last long between us.”

I wondered what kind of life that was like, always being so upfront. I was taught to hold back, to keep it in, and to never talk about it. No one knew anything until I was beaten nearly to death and Lindie was arrested. Then it seemed to blow up and the shock factor was so major that people still didn’t believe it. There had been some of Lindie’s friends who decided I had never been abused a day in my life and Lindie was just getting some help. That was how shocking it had been. Too unbelievable that it became something impossible.

“I also told Seth about my kiss with you.”

“Really?” I asked.

“Really. And if it bothers you so much, we can tell him tomorrow that we kissed again and you can gauge his reaction then.” Justin came close enough for our noses to touch. “Last time was only a taste. It wasn’t close to enough.”

I softened my voice. “I felt the same.”

“Then should we find out where this goes?”

I was speechless, my stomach in pleasant knots. I felt almost drunk really. “Okay.”

We met each other, kissing tentatively. My experience kissing was nearly nonexistent, which was interesting in itself considering I wasn’t a virgin. Seth was my first real kiss. And now Justin.

Justin’s soft lips pressed firmly against mine. Our lips moved together slowly. Kissing him was slow and sensual, of a promise of things to come. It gave me insight into the man and his patience. He’d be the type to build it up like he was doing now. Slow, careful, but insistent.

His taste. His scent. The feel of him. It was all intoxicating.

When we pulled back from each other, we were both breathing a little more heavily. I felt like my face was on fire, but so was the rest of me. I was just so aware of his body against mine, one arm holding me close, while the other cupped my face gently.

“Goodnight,” he said.

“Goodnight.” Feeling brave, I leaned forward and kissed his chin before settling into him. He squeezed me tight. I fell asleep feeling completely safe for the first time in too long.

Chapter Twenty-nine

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