Page 91 of Losing the Rhythm

Had he been sleeping too?

I looked around. We were in the living room. Was I sleeping on Justin?

“Oh my God, this can’t be comfortable.” I tried to get off Justin, but he only held me to him.

“You’re fine,” he said. “What happened?”

“What do you mean?”

He reached up and brushed a finger against my cheek before rubbing underneath my eyes. “Can you tell me what keeps you up at night? What makes you wake up violently like that?”

“Violently?” I thought about when I tried to fight against the suffocation. “Did I hurt you?”

He chuckled lightly. “If you had, you’d probably be on the floor right now, not lying on top of me.”

“I’ll get off.”

“I like you there.”

That made me freeze. I really was stretched over his body. My legs were resting on the sides of his, so that I was practically straddling his waist. I could feel his body pressed against mine, hard and warm, yet supportive. One of his hands rested against my hip to hold me there.

I was trying extremely hard not to think about the hardness that was pressing against me.

“I’d like to know what you dream about,” he said in a lower voice, not at all fazed by our current position. I was fazed though. I was completely fazed as hyperawareness washed over my skin.

I licked my lips, trying to unravel all my confusing thoughts. My body definitely enjoyed the position we were in, but my mind was telling me that I should get off him before I squished him.

“Cadence?”

“Huh?” I finally looked back down at him. His black hair was messy, his blue eyes soft. “Oh. Yeah.” I glanced away. “The darkness, I guess. I still dream about the darkness of that basement. About what it was like to have the gun pointed at my head. The echo of the warning shot he had fired to scare me. The way the sound made my ears ring. How for a moment, I truly thought I had died.”

“Cadence.” His voice cracked. He pulled me to him, squeezing tight. “No one’s going to hurt you. I won’t let it happen.”

I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face into his neck, taking in his scent and letting it reground me.

“Every night, I live in that memory,” I admitted, whispering softly, my lips right by his ear.

“When I woke up in the hospital after my dad put me in there, I had a doctor give me a tip that I found helpful. He said to make a mental list of all the good in my life. To remind myself what there was out there for me. How about you try that?”

“There has to be good in my life though.”

“I’m sure there is. Think about it. You don’t have to tell me either. But think about it.” He began rubbing my back. I almost thought he was going to tell me some of those good things he talked about, but he remained silent and kept rubbing my back, slowly easing away all the tension in me.

I shifted so that my head was more on his chest, and I allowed myself to get more comfortable. It was awkward being on top of Justin, but just like he seemed reluctant to let me go, I was beginning to feel the same about moving. Having him so close to me felt all too right. My cold body stole his body heat. He had plenty to share too. Why did he run so much hotter than I did? I felt like I was wrapped up in a fuzzy blanket fresh out of the dryer.

“My guitar,” I said. “I was just thinking about it this week. My current guitar is mine alone.”

“That’s a good example.”

“You guys,” I finally said, my face feeling way too hot. “Meeting you guys, having you around. It’s a huge plus. I hadn’t had people by my side in so long.”

“And we aren’t going anywhere. We feel the same.”

I smiled, liking the sound of that very much.

“Micah moving here. He was always out of reach, dealing with his own stuff. I’m glad he’s close by now.”

Justin remained quiet at that one.

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