Page 84 of Losing the Rhythm

A woman came over and dropped off drinks and a couple desserts, smiling warmly at my Dad. He gave her a kind smile and a thank you.

“Here. I’m not sure what you like to drink so I asked them to make something the teenage girls tend to order.” Dad passed over a cup.

I grabbed it, its warmth slowly seeping into my hands and calming me a little. I lifted it up and took in a tentative sip. It tasted of vanilla, sweetness, and coffee. It was good.

“I think it’s some kind of vanilla coffee thing.”

“It’s good.”

He slid over a slice of pie. Cherry.

Staring at it, my throat closed and for a moment it was impossible to breathe.

“Cadence?”

I blinked back the tears and cleared my throat. “Thank you.” The smile I gave him was strained and actually hurt to do. This was a bit too much. I was an idiot for agreeing to meet him here, a place so nostalgic that I was slowly suffocating.

Dad drew in a breath, readying himself for something. It made me feel like I had to do the same. So I steeled my spine and prepared for the worst.

“Can you…” Dad fiddled with his own drink. “Can you tell me what happened after I left? I’m beginning to think there’s more than you let on about why she’s in the hospital.”

“She had a mental breakdown, took it out on me, and I fought to get her out of jail and committed instead,” I said. It was what I told people. The simple version. The one that left so much out about my past. About the abuse.

“She hurt you. How bad?” His words were thicker, his eyes watery.

I had to look away, unable to deal with his expression. “I didn’t get out of the hospital until the end of July. I’m only just finishing paying off the bills now.”

Dad made a weird gurgling grunting sound and the table shook from him hitting it with his leg.

“No broken bones.” Not really. “Just lots of bruising.”

Dad didn’t say anything for a long time. I finally got the nerve to look at him. His eyes were red, cheeks blotchy as he stared at me.

I blinked furiously as a wave of tears hit me. I looked down at my plate.

Finally, he asked in a thick enough voice that it was hard to understand him. “Have you fully recovered?”

“Still some bruising, but other than that, I’m okay.”

“Cadence. I may not have been part of your life for the last seven years, but I still know when you’re lying to me. Please, don’t hold back.”

He reached out, leaving his hand there for me to grab. Wanted me to grab. I couldn’t though. Instead, I rested my hands in my lap, not wanting to touch him. We still hadn’t really touched each other and I didn’t want to. If I did, I’d crumple. I knew it. And I didn’t want to do that.

Dad left his hand there, though he turned his palm so it rested against the table. He was leaving himself in reach for me if I ever mustered up enough courage to reach out for him.

It wasn’t going to happen though.

“Spinal damage,” I finally said. “I’m still trying to recover from spinal damage.”

Just talking about it sent phantom pain through my back. “All the doctors can say is that it’ll take time for me to recover. That it’s a waiting game now. To keep going to physiotherapy, keep managing the pain, and hopefully, it’ll correct itself. Worse case, it’ll become chronic pain for the rest of my life.”

As I talked, I could feel Lindie’s foot as she stomped on my back while screaming at me.

Dad let out a shuddering breath. “I’m so sorry,” he said in a whisper. “I should have been there for you. I should have been there.”

“Well, you weren’t,” I said bitterly. No one was there for me. “What do you want? Why are you here?”

“I wasn’t lying when I said I wanted you to move in with me. I’m doing well in Las Vegas. I have my own gallery now and some investments in the music industry. I think you’d like Vegas. It’s a bustling city.” He tried to smile. “The Grand Canyon is so impossibly big, you have to wonder why the planet hadn’t split apart. It just steals your words and freezes your breath when you stare into it, feeling like you yourself are about to be swept away.”

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