Page 9 of Losing the Rhythm

Bryan grimaced. “He did mention that incident to my parents.” He rubbed at the back of his neck. “Definitely can’t let that happen again.”

Seth frowned. “Want me to keep it to just us this year?”

They exchanged glances.

“We’ll have Cadence with us this year.”

“Don’t let me be the one to stop you from partying,” I said.

Bryan snorted. “More like doing me a favor. My parents warned me last year that if something happens this year, the repercussions were going to be worse. I think they’re looking for an excuse to pull me out of public school.”

“But you’re a senior. What’s the point?”

“My parents never make sense. But they’ll do it given the excuse. And they’re looking for one.”

I made sure I was safe as I got down from the step ladder and then went to Bryan’s side. Something about him said he needed comfort. He seemed so wary.

“Are you okay?” I asked, sitting next to him on the couch.

“Just tired. It’s school and tutors, and extra tests, and just dealing with my parents’ bullshit. I’ll be okay.”

“It’s fine to not be okay?”

Bryan eyed me for a moment. “I could say the same to you.”

I stilled. He reached over and cupped my cheek, his thumb running just under my eye. “You look worse than I do.”

“I’m fine.”

“See. It isn’t so easy to not be okay.”

“It happened. I can’t keep dwelling on it. But what you’re going through is happening. There’s a difference.”

“There isn’t.”

I clenched my jaw.

Bryan drew in a deep breath, and I knew I wasn’t going to like what he had to say. “You’re more withdrawn. I mean you’re already a withdrawn person, but it’s worse now. And you aren’t eating. Or sleeping.”

“How would you know?” I asked Bryan, crossing my arms over my chest. A feeling of irritation fluttered in my chest, but I pushed it down.

“We can see it,” he said softly.

I looked away from him. The others were back to decorating, unaware of our conversation. That was what life was now. While I screamed until I was breathless inside, the outside world kept moving forward. And it felt like I was being left behind.

“For now, I’m fine.”

“Fine. Then same for me. I’m fine.” Bryan let me go and went back to trying to prepare some decorations to be hung up.

I stared at him, but he pretended to ignore me more, not even sparing me a glance. His jaw was tight, his body stiff. He clearly had so much more to say, but for once, he was holding back. I never knew Bryan to hold back. He was the bluntest person I knew. I wasn’t sure how I felt about the fact that he wasn’t pushing me, that instead, I made him react like this, drawing away from me.

I wanted to take it back, to unload on him. But what would I tell him that he didn’t already know? I was terrified. My nightmares repeatedly liked to remind me of how terrified I had been. And he was right. I was barely sleeping. I didn’t eat unless I saw the others eating and then I remembered I was supposed to put something in my stomach. I couldn’t stop watching people, questioning them, wondering if they wanted to hurt me. I was scared and paranoid.

But they knew that. I knew they knew it.

What was the point of talking about it again?

Sighing, I stood up and went back to my task, feeling a bit deflated. I had to clench my hands to keep from rubbing at the ache that spread throughout my chest. It wasn’t a physical pain that would go away with some first aid.

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