Page 20 of Losing the Rhythm

“What look?”

“That one that says you have a million and one things to say, but you’re holding yourself back. Didn’t we already go through this? You don’t need permission to ask, not with friends. Ask.”

“I’m not so sure you want me asking,” I admitted.

“Cadence.”

“School.”

He grimaced and glanced over at his brother. Calvin was still working hard at figuring out the notes and new hand positions that would definitely feel awkward with smaller hands.

“I just reminded Benji of a few things.”

“Uh huh, and it isn’t coincidence that earlier in the morning he said something to me?”

Paxon raised an eyebrow. “So you do admit it.”

“How did you find out?”

Paxon seriously looked like he didn’t want to answer me.

“Just tell me. It’s about me anyway.”

“Micah. He said something to me since Benji is on my team.” Paxon reached up and removed his beanie to run his hand through his hair. It wasn’t the same one I saw him wearing until the fight had happened. “Well, warned me really to keep my teammates in check.”

“So you what? Decided to put him back in his place?”

“He said nasty shit about you.”

“They all say nasty shit about me. Are you going to go around and punch them all? Even the girls?”

“Benji I can at least do something about.”

“Like get yourself suspended from school? I don’t want you getting in trouble because of me.”

“And I want them to shut up.” Paxon’s voice grew harsher. “They speak about you as if you’re just some dramatic story. That your feelings don’t matter. And I hate it. I hate it all.”

Paxon pressed his lips together and stared down at his homework, blinking furiously.

“Hate what?” I asked softly.

“What it’s doing to you. I hate it. You have enough bullshit, you shouldn’t have to deal with school rumors. I hate that because of us, people think so poorly of you, that you’re a…” He trailed off, obviously not comfortable finishing that sentence.

“A slut.”

He grimaced.

“You know, a lot of the songs that I write are pieces of people,” I said slowly, putting together all my thoughts. “And they’re stories too. When it isn’t your life, it’s only a story. And stories change. I sometimes take those songs and rebuild them to fit the mold that fits the criteria.”

“Shit. That’s a weird way of thinking.”

I grinned at him. “I thought so too when one of my old music teachers told me. I never really understood it until I started working on songs for others. It’s pretty accurate, though, right? At the end of the day, we’re only a story to strangers.”

“You aren’t to me.” Paxon’s response was filled with a ton of conviction.

I leaned forward and smiled, liking the way his response warmed me. “That’s all that matters then, right? You, and Toby, and Bryan, and Justin, and Seth. You all make it easier. I can only hope that what others say about me doesn’t warp your opinion of me.”

“No! Never.”

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