Page 10 of Losing the Rhythm

Chapter Three

Fear.

Terror.

Despair.

I choked on them.

They lodged in my throat as I stared down the dark hole of a gun. I could still hear the ricocheting bang from when Rick McCormack had first fired the gun as a warning to me. It echoed inside of me over and over again as I stared into the smoking gun, knowing that any moment, it was going to murder me.

Then it went off.

BANG.

Darkness wrapped around me. Nothing all around. Wrapped around me so tightly that when I tried to scream, nothing came out. I was nothing. I was dead.

Gasping, I sat up in bed, wheezing as I tried to draw in a shaky breath. The sobbing made it even harder as my chest ached while my brain tried to tell me I was dead. My body didn’t agree, reminding me that it was still functioning by warning me with the aches and pains inside me that never really seemed to go away.

Finally, air filled me. It was short and gasping, but it was there, slowly inflating my lungs. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to do it again.

Lungs. Air.

That was all I thought about. Air for the lungs. Lungs to breathe. Breathe to live. I went over it again until my breathing normalized.

But I was still covered in sweat. Could still hear the gunshot. I bit back a sob, not wanting to wake Seth or Bryan. Bryan had stayed the night here without telling us why, and we hadn’t asked. Seth was good like that, always making sure we were welcome to stay as long as we needed.

Lying back on my side, I curled into myself, squeezing my eyes shut. The darkness all around pressed against me, reminding me that I was completely alone.

The darkness became my worst enemy the day I was kidnapped. It felt like at any moment, Rick McCormack was going to step out of it and shoot me.

I reached blindly toward the side table until I found the light, then I flicked it on, sat up, and stared into every shadowy corner.

No one.

Just me.

I was safe. At Seth’s place. No one was going to take me or hurt me. I was safe.

If only I truly believed that though because I ended up staying up, sitting in bed, staring all around me until the sun rose and it was time for school. I was in the kitchen before Seth and Bryan, drinking my second cup of coffee and making breakfast burritos. When Seth came into the kitchen, he paused.

“You’re up.”

“I am.”

“And you’re making burritos again.”

“Being smart too and making an extra for Toby.” I smiled at him, holding up a wrapped burrito.

He made a point to look at the clock and then back at me. I had to fight really hard to keep my smile there. “Want one?”

For a long time, Seth didn’t say anything. I thought he was going to call me out on my bullshit. And if he did, I wasn’t sure what I would have done.

Maybe breakdown.

Or snap at him.

Or just walk away.

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