Page 100 of Losing the Rhythm

Justin’s grip tightened almost painfully as he paled.

“Are you expected to be part of his life? Do you want to be?”

“He killed my mom. He hurt me.”

“He did. But is it that simple for you?”

Justin went silent, still gripping my hand like it was his lifeline. “I don’t even know anymore.”

“You know, I had a lot of people ask me why I’m still standing by Lindie’s side after everything. They only know that she put me in the hospital that one time. They don’t know everything and I don’t make it known. By their standards, now that I’m emancipated, I should have cut her out of my life. By their standards, I should have let her rot in jail instead of fighting to get her help. Maybe they’re right. Maybe I’m sick too because I refuse to leave her. She’s my mom. It’s as simple as that. She hurt me for so long. She forced me to do so much. But she’s my mother and the thought of leaving her right now feels too wrong. So I fought for her, I’m making sure she gets help, and I hope that someday, she’s well enough to take care of herself. Everyone had these expectations of what I needed and should do, and I didn’t do it. I still don’t know if I’m right or wrong about it. Maybe it’s some kind of mentality formed from being abused. I don’t know. But I’m sticking by her side because I should as her daughter.”

“Are you telling me I should do the same to him?”

“I don’t know anything about your relationship with your dad. Was he nice before it all happened? Do you have memories of that? Was he consistent in being the man who hurt you? Or was it a mood thing? Did you visit him in jail? Do you want to never see him again? Do you want to be by his side as he dies? Only you can answer that.”

“I hate this. He killed my mom.”

“He hurt you irreparably.”

“Aunt Laura already said my home is with her. That she’d never kick me out. That whatever I decided to do, she’d help and support me.”

“And she isn’t the only one.”

Justin finally smiled. “Seth said the same.”

“I imagine the others are feeling the same too.”

“What about you?”

I made sure to stare into his eyes as I answered truthfully. “It’s the same for me. You aren’t alone in this. Whatever you need, you’ll get it. I can help protect you too. Didn’t you see. I just earned a black belt in putting people on their knees.”

Justin let out a bark of laughter. As he settled down, he leaned forward and rested his forehead against mine, his eyes closing. “I like you so much, Cadence.”

My breathing hitched at his admission.

“Keep this up, and you’ll never be free from me.”

“Maybe I don’t want to be free,” I said. “Not from you.”

He smiled, his eyes opening, drawing me into the depth of the dark ocean he held in them. Staring at him so closely, I could see why he loved swimming so much. He was the ocean itself, depthless, boundless, and stable. I hadn’t seen it for myself, but I knew the violence was there too. Seth already hinted at it. He was protective, and if someone tried to hurt one of his, there was no telling what he’d do. I hoped I never had to see it.

“You have some time,” I said. “Don’t rush your thoughts and feelings. Do what you want to do without taking in consideration what anyone else wants.”

“Are you telling me to be greedy?”

“Yes, be super greedy.”

“Is that permission?”

“Yes.” I knew exactly what he wanted by the way his gaze dipped down to my lips.

Then Justin was kissing me, drawing a moan from me as he lit the fire inside of me.

This time, our kiss wasn’t gentle. It was heat itself. His tongue slid between my lips, deepening it. I moaned, pressing closer to him, needing to feel more of him as his overwhelming presence nearly consumed me. Justin pulled me closer to him, against his chest, practically in his lap. I dug my hand into his hair, drawing out a gasp from him that somehow made me feel powerful.

By the time we pulled away, breathless, faces flushed, eyes dark, I knew for sure. We were going to be okay.

Chapter Thirty-one

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