Page 58 of Losing the Rhythm

“Admit this was a date.”

“I can’t do that,” I said.

“Why not?”

I looked out the window, though there wasn’t much to see in all the darkness.

“Don’t like me like that?”

A million thoughts flashed through my mind, and at the same time it felt like my tongue was tied up.

“You don’t have to answer me,” Seth finally said. “You don’t ever have to answer me.”

“Scared of the answer.”

“No, I’m a confident man.”

When I turned to gape at him, he chuckled and winked at me.

“But we’ve hung out enough these last couple months for me to at least know not to push you right now. I’ll keep waiting. I told you, I’ll be whatever you need me to be. A friend. A lover. I just want to be in your life someway. Would I love to take you out on dates and kiss you silly? Fuck yeah. But for now, I’ll be happy with this.”

“You keep saying that,” I mumbled.

“And I mean it every time.” Seth glanced over me briefly, smirking. “And you can’t tell me you haven’t thought about what it’d feel like if I kissed you silly.”

My face burned as he shoved that picture into my mind. What it’d feel like to be wrapped in his warmth. The taste of his lips. We had kissed after the break-in at my home. Since then, I wished I could say I regretted it, but I never did.

“Friendship,” I said, the word coming out thicker than I wanted.

“I know. For now.”

Seth seemed so sure of himself, and yet I couldn’t say anything to persuade him otherwise. I felt like I was slowly being chipped away.

But I told him once that I liked them all. I didn’t want to lose that friendship. I didn’t want to change it either. Because they were all close and dating one of them felt like I was going to be at the cusp of losing them all.

And dating? It ended. Romance ended. Love ended.

When it ended, separation was a given.

“Stop that,” Seth said.

“What?”

“Thinking like that. I can practically hear how hard you’re thinking.”

“I’m not thinking about anything in particular.”

“Tell me about it.”

“What?”

“What you were thinking about. Tell me about it.”

“I’d rather not.”

Seth hummed before finally giving it up.

Shortly after, we got back to his place. As he parked, backing into his driveway, I looked over at my sad house, wondering what I was doing.

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