Page 16 of Losing the Rhythm

“Are you okay? Is it a pounding headache? Did you bump your head again while swimming?” I let him lead me away while I threw a million and one questions his way.

Justin chuckled, resting his hand on my lower back, using his other hand to steal my bookbag from me. I ignored the way the warmth inside of me seemed to flare to life as we weaved through students. “I’ll be fine. Just a small headache. Not that bad, but I want to take something before it gets worse.”

“Oh.”

“And you? How’s your body?”

I stopped, forcing him to follow suit. Crossing my arms over my chest, I settled for a serious, no-nonsense kind of expression as I asked, “Why does it seem everyone is more concerned than I am about my body? I’m not going to fall apart.”

“I know.”

“Do you?” I snapped at him. “Because it doesn’t feel like anyone knows. Paxon is always hovering over me like I’m about to trip and fall and break my neck at any moment. You’re always asking me. I’m not even allowed to carry my own bookbag.” I motioned toward it dangling in his hand. “I’m feeling like I’m standing in a room surrounded by eggshells and everyone is being careful with moving around me. Just earlier today, I saw Paxon about to get in a fight with some guy who conveniently made a bad comment to me earlier this morning. You can’t tell me that it wasn’t connected.”

Justin glanced around at the passing students. It was already thinning out because people tended to flock straight to the cafeteria, not away from it like we were.

“Do you really want to talk about it here?” he asked.

“That’s you trying to avoid the topic.”

Justin’s jaw tightened and he ran his free hand through his hair as he kept glancing around. It was a bit erratic, letting me know he wasn’t calm at all even as he fought to show it. There was no keeping it out of his blue eyes though. Justin was a quiet person, but he was also one of the most expressive I knew. Also the most insightful, which was why I was cornering him now.

“What exactly do you want me to say?” he finally asked, his shoulders slumping. He focused back on me. “What kind of answer are you looking for? What are you even asking me?”

“Stop. I want you guys to stop treating me like I’m about to shatter.”

“Then stop acting like it!” he snapped.

I flinched, taking a step back at the sudden change in his temper. I forced the shudder that wanted to go through my body to stop. But it became a fight.

“Shit. Fucking shit.”

Again, I was taken aback. Justin swearing?

He blew out a harsh breath, taking a step away from me, giving me space I didn’t realize I needed in that moment.

“You rarely eat, Cadence. You don’t talk as much. You barely talked before, but now we’re lucky if we can get you to string along more than two sentences together. You aren’t sleeping.” He swallowed hard, his eyes becoming shiny. I realized he was about to cry. His voice thickened as he said, “And you’re losing weight. Plus dealing with the shit that happened to you, the cops, the fear, and this damn school. Can you blame us for wanting to shove you into a bubble and growl at anyone who comes near you?”

I swallowed around the hard rock forming in my throat. “Growling?” I finally croaked out. “Who’s growling?”

“I will be if those assholes keep talking shit about you.” Justin finally moved closer to me, reaching out and lightly touching my upper arm, as if he was afraid he’d break me. “Benji deserved whatever Paxon was going to do to him. Paxon doesn’t normally react like that, so whatever he said would have had to have been bad to get that kind of reaction out of him. We’re all passive out of understanding what violence does to people. But there’s always a limit.” He looked around at the empty hallway. “Always. But frankly, we’re reaching it where you are concerned.”

“I-I don’t want anyone getting hurt or in trouble because of me.”

“Our choice. Whatever we do will be our choice, not yours. You’d never be blamed for anything. Ever. If a punch gets thrown, that’s on us. Not you.”

I blinked hard, wondering what was going on with me. It kept feeling like pokes were being made at the barrier I’d erected and soon it was all going to fall down. I didn’t want that to happen. I wasn’t sure what would happen to me. I was barely holding on as it was.

“I need you guys to back off a little,” I said. “I need space. I love that you guys are around me all the time and that you want to growl at other people.” I forced a smile to show I was lightly joking with him. “But sometimes, it feels suffocating. And it’s even more stressful. I need time. And normal things. I need spooky movies. Halloween candy. Pumpkins and hot apple cider. Please.”

For a long moment, Justin was quiet. I could see him fighting over something, I just wasn’t sure what it was. Finally, he blew out another breath and all that tension in his body dissipated. “Okay. Okay. I’ll talk to the others. I’ll tell them exactly what you told me. Spooky movies, Halloween candy, pumpkins, and hot apple cider.” He grinned. “I hope you’re prepared. You just gave everyone permission to go crazy.”

“Wait. What? No. Normalcy. Not insanity.”

Justin chuckled as he slipped by me and kept heading toward the nurse’s office.

“Justin!”

He still didn’t stop, though the smirk on his face when he turned to look at me made my stomach bubble a little with excitement.

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