Page 122 of Losing the Rhythm

“Paxon?” Calvin said in a soft voice full of fear.

I drew in a breath, realizing I had stopped breathing for a moment. I was at the cusp of ramming of fist through his face. Even after getting in trouble during the game for fighting with him, I still had no regrets.

For some reason, Benji had it in for Cadence. I’d stand against him every single time, even if it meant losing my spot on the soccer team.

“I’ll go shut their mouths,” Toby said, scowling hard, hands already in fists at his side.

“Calvin,” I said softly, thinking about Cadence’s message.

All that shit and she still reminded us to take care of my little brother. She reminded us what we were too distracted to remember. Calvin needed me still.

I blew out a harsh breath.

“Leave it,” I said. “Let’s get Calvin home so that we can meet up and check on Cadence.”

“He needs his face broken in,” Toby said.

“And he will,” I said. “But Calvin first, Cadence second.”

“Fine.”

I forced a smile down at Calvin. “Ready to go?” I asked.

He nodded, his anxiety breaking my heart. I closed his door gently and climbed into the driver’s seat while Toby huffed and settled into the passenger seat.

My teammates only broke out in laughter, making that darkness inside of me bubble. Breaking their faces in wouldn’t be enough. What made this worse was that they were supposed to be my teammates. This year, we were supposed to go out with a bang, and we were on our way to doing that, but none of it felt like much of a bang to me.

I no longer felt like I belonged on that team—especially if four of them were acting like Benji and his group.

Maybe soccer really was over for me now. Once I let that thought settle inside, it actually felt right.

Soccer was no longer it for me.

As I pulled out of the parking spot, giving Benji one last glance. He was still leaning against his car with a big shit-eating grin on his face, looking way too happy, and it wasn’t because we won the game. No, not at all.

Maybe it was time for Toby and me to put our plan to work. We were going to wait until after Halloween, but sooner seemed better than later.

Chapter Thirty-nine

Getting out of the bath was hard, but somehow I managed. While trying to recenter myself in the tub, I had come to a few different decisions. I was tired of feeling too much like a victim waiting for things to happen to me. I needed to be proactive. I needed to watch out for myself. Just like how I got away from Lindie, I needed to keep protecting myself.

No more. I couldn’t let this keep happening to me. That thought alone strengthened me. I was able to get out, get dressed, and feel like a complete person again.

Justin was right, everyone was waiting for me. As soon as I came downstairs, they were there, talking all at once. Before I knew it, I was on the couch with a blanket turning me into a burrito and a hot tea in my hands.

Laura was still there with George, neither of them looking like they were going to leave any time soon. It was weird to see adults standing at my side so steadily like them. Like the people I’d met over the last few weeks. Not just Laura and George, but also Micah’s parents, my lawyer, even in some weird way, Mr. Davies.

And the friends I made, all at my side. Seth, Justin. Toby, Bryan. Paxon. Micah. Lillian and Hazel. Calvin. Bebe.

I wasn’t so alone anymore. I had a system of support, something my therapist had brought up over and over again.

Get a strong support system.

I looked at everyone around me.

Looked like I found one. Which meant I didn’t need to hide and try to make it through everything. I needed to let them in. Let them help me.

I took in a breath, admitting out loud, “I’m exhausted.”

---