Page 40 of All the Discord

I wanted every child to hear my music. Music I created just for them. I wanted to let them know they weren’t alone, that I had the same questions as them.

The music I played proved I had my heart on my sleeve, and when I finished, there was a ringing in my ears and it took every cell in my body to hold back the sob that filled my chest and closed my throat. They didn’t need to see me break. My nose tingled, my eyes burned, yet I refused to let myself break down completely in front of so many strangers.

Slowly the ringing quieted, replaced by the loud applause of the audience.

I stood and bowed, giving the stage crew enough time to bring out a stool and my guitar for the final performance. I blinked back tears and gave everyone a watery smile as they cheered and clapped. I didn’t look at the boys. Not yet.

I only had enough space in me to focus on the final performance.

I grabbed the microphone the stage crewman handed me and thanked him silently as I turned to the crowd. My fingers ached with how hard I gripped the mic, my knuckles turning white.

Closing my eyes, I gave myself that little moment to gather myself as the crowd settled down to hear me speak. Just long enough to gather enough courage to do this next part. They wanted a little speech from me, and after that I’d be able to do my last performance and be done.

I opened my eyes and spoke. There was no hiding the feelings from my voice. My words came out thick with all the emotions battling inside me. My speech took my emotions and blew them out to the crowd, weighing heavily on their shoulders, screaming to be understood.

“I want to thank every last one of you here tonight for your support. This charity event is special to me, and every year, when they send me an invitation to perform, I cry. Children are precious, and it’s unfortunate that people seem to forget that. I’m here to show how loved every one of them are at this event. I get to show my full support for Hope’s Embrace, a foundation that bends over backward to save children and give them the support they need to move forward in their lives as best as they can. Tonight, I give you a song I personally wrote for this event as my finale.”

I took a moment to draw in a breath and slowly let it out before I tripped over my words. I placed the mic on its stand with shaky hands as I spoke. “I wrote this song for all the children who have to hide behind a smile. Who are forced to hide behind lies and masks for their own protection. They all have a story to tell, and I’m here to be their voice. I hope you’ll listen to them as hard as you’ll listen to me.” I settled down on the stool and fiddled with my guitar, letting a couple of notes loose. I looked back up and gave everyone a sad, broken smile. “This is the story of hundreds of thousands of children who are abused in the United States. Of the one billion children worldwide.”

Finally, I allowed myself to look at the boys, needing strength and more than willing to steal it from them. They had laser focus on me as I began to play my guitar, working through the opening rift of my song. This was definitely a hard song to swallow considering I had experienced exactly what many kids out there were going through. I hadn’t been seen for so long, having to hide all my aches, having to put on a brave face as I lied to everyone around me. My story was turning out well, but not everyone was as lucky as I was. Too many got a tragic ending.

Refusing to look away from the boys, I began to sing:

“Let me tell you about a story of a little girl

Feeling all alone and lost in this world

“Are you hurting?” “Are you all right?”

These are the words she wants to hear as she smiles

But inside she cries as her body takes a beating

With a smile on her face while her soul is bleeding

“Are you hurting?” “Are you all right?”

She says, “I’m fine,” living in her world of lies

And she keeps on hiding dark marks under her sleeves

Burying her thoughts and fears underneath

Hiding all the scars from losing a war

Hoping someday, someone will say something more

Stranger, did you notice?

Her light inside starts to flicker, flicker

Stranger, do you care?

Every time he drinks his liquor, liquor

Her light starts to wane

And we wonder how can she endure

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