Page 11 of Hanging Horseshoes

I smile while explaining, “No, she likes to suck her thumb, but it's a habit we need to break, but then she found comfort in rubbing my ear.” I tell him. He just smiles and leans closer before taking my hand and leading me out the back doors. I smile at the sun shining in the sky. I missed the feel of the sun, the heat hitting my cheeks. The smell of the leaves as the wind whips my hair around my face.

I missed this feeling of freedom, and I hope and pray I can keep it for a little bit longer because I have a feeling my past will catch up to me sooner rather than later.

Chapter Nine

Rodeo

I take her in as she leans her head back toward the sun, closing her eyes, and smiling softly at the sky. She looks even more damn beautiful than I remember. I can't believe it's been four years since I last saw her. All she’s been through, and she’s still smiling. She’s still holding my hand and enjoying my company. She should be throwing insults or hell punches for what I did to her. Just leaving her with her horrible family. I’ll never be able to forgive myself.

“Why don't you blame me?” The words fly out of my mouth before I can stop them.

I start walking the path back to the lake while waiting on her answer. We made a shortcut not too long ago since everyone's building houses by the lake. That way, we weren't always taking four-wheelers and ATVs. It’s still a bit of a walk, but not too far. I figured we could walk it and get all this out in the open. I feel like I need her anger; I need her hurt, and I need the guilt to eat at me because it's the least I deserve. She looks over at me and gives me a sad smile. Not even pretending she doesn't understand the question.

I always appreciated that about Ophelia. She was never one to lie to herself or to me. Hell, she was the one to tell me she loved me first. She randomly dropped that fucking bomb on me as she was picking wildflowers and hiding from her parents. When I told her I loved her back, she just simply smiled at me, sniffed that wildflower, and said, “I know” she was the woman of my fucking dreams.

I always felt like I would have to give her up one day. She was everything. She was too good for me. She was all I ever wanted but not everything I needed, and I've always hated that part of me that felt something was missing. Ophelia deserved all of me. She deserved the earth, the moon, the stars. She deserved it all, and I couldn't give that to her. I thought I was doing her a favor, saving her heartbreak. Fuck, I hate myself so damn much for never being enough for the sweetest being on this planet.

And then she just blows me away again with her next words.

“How can I blame you when I got to see her every day? I was selfish with her time without meaning to be. How can you not hate me even just a little for losing time with her?” She stares at the path straight ahead after dropping that bomb.

“It wasn't your fault,” I argue, ready to yell and scream out the pain and torture she was made to go through.

“Yes, and we both know that. There was no way for me to get to you. To get you word that you had a daughter. That we made a miracle, and I was being held against my will. Even so, feelings don't count as logic. You can logically know I couldn't have gotten word to you, that it was physically impossible. However, feelings, those take root no matter how you fight them and those feelings have to hate me a little for the time I got to spend with her and the years you were robbed of.” She says softly. I just stare at her in disbelief.

“I could never hate you. I will admit that I’m jealous of the time you got with her that I couldn't, but I don't hate you and could never blame you. I hate myself for ruining your future.” I tell her honestly, and her head swings my way.

“What do you mean, ruining my future?” She asks, confused.

“Your dream. You wanted to marry, stay in the community, have a little house on the outskirts, have kids, and run your honey hives. Instead, I got you pregnant out of wedlock and banished from daylight. I just left you, and if you hadn’t escaped, our daughter would have grown up never even knowing about life or me.” I tell her in a pained voice.

“You would have found a way to get to us. I always knew that was true. One day you would have come for me. Whether that was to come back to me or make sure I was happy. You would have come back and saved me.” She says it with such conviction even I want to believe it. “As far as my dreams go, they are still there, and I’m still hoping to make them a reality. The community was never my dream. The house on the edge of town with a yard, marriage, kids, you, yes, those were all my dreams. Even the Bee Sanctuary. But you weren't the only one who felt something was missing.”

That comment has my head rearing back in shock. First, at the realization she didn't want to stay with the community. She always made it seem like that would be her future. She must see my confusion, because she sighs before continuing.

‘settling and dreaming are two totally different things. I would have been happy and content with staying there, but only if it was with you and not because it was all I ever wanted. I just didn't dare hope we could get out.” She shrugs. I can’t help it. I wrap my free arm around her and pull her to me.

“Well, we're out now, and we'll never have to go back again,” I promise her. I think I hear her scoff, but I can't tell if it was that or a sniffle, so I ignore it, giving her one last hug and then pulling back. I reach for her hand and hold tight as we keep walking. Mable is snoring softly on my shoulder. I haven't been able to put her down since they arrived. Scared it was just a dream, and she might fade away if I didn't hold tight.

‘so, uh, what did you mean I wasn't the only one who felt like something was missing?” I had been dying to ask, but didn't know if I wanted to hear the answer. Now, I know it will eat me alive, not to know. So much has happened today, and though I know I’m about to reach my tipping point, another significant part of me wants to get it all out in the open today. That way, I can process it all in one, get it out of the way, and start healing and moving on, hopefully, with my family all together. I don't know how yet, but ever since Trip charged up to the gate with them in tow, a picture has been forming in my mind, and I’m not hating that new dream… my dream.

“I’m not really sure. Honestly, I just realized it myself. I was content with living a simple life with you. I never dreamed of anything more, but the minute I stepped through those gates, I realized how sheltered and closed off that world is. I don't want Mable to feel that way. Closed off. I want her to experience the world, life. I want to have it all with you, and there was always this piece that didn't fit with the two of us. It was like a wall was blocking us from fully committing and experiencing what it means to understand our souls and how they bind together. I don't know. It was just a feeling. I’m still processing it all myself.”

Her explanation knocked me back on my heels. Her words were exactly how I felt. Like she copied those words straight from my fucking soul.

“All of this seems like too much to fucking process. What do you say we enjoy the rest of the day and a better topic of discussion?” She smiles and gives me a nod before I tease her. ‘so I saw that blush you got when Trip called you Sweet Pea. If I remember correctly, that was the same blush you always and only got when I called you Honeybee.”

She blushe’s again, this time from head to toe, and tries ducking her head so I can’t see. I expected to be jealous, at least a little bit pissed that my woman and, yes, Ophelia is my woman, was blushing over another man. She found her way back to me, and this time, I wasn't stupid enough to let her out of my grip. We would figure out our pieces and what was missing, but we would do it together. Surprisingly, it made my heart pump and my dick twitch at the thought of my girl and Trip. The thought of him pulling her into his arms, grabbing a handful of her sweet juicy…. Yup, got to stop those thoughts. I’m holding a sweet, beautiful, innocent baby girl, for fuck's sake.

“Oh, my gosh.” She gasps as we pass by the houses lining the dirt road. Each has a fence blocking the dirt road, and beautiful trees are on the other side. It's like our own neighborhood, surrounded by trees, the lake, and no one else in sight.

We continue walking around the water. There's a trail that leads to the other side. No one comes this way because it leads to the property at the back of ours. There's a fence and gate with sensors where the property lines are, but no one ever comes around here. Comp knew the minute the land went off the market. We had thought about buying the land but figured we had more than enough, and it was just too much work. We were a bit surprised to find out we knew the new owner, and it was the man who saved Rae and Paisley after they got caught in his horse trailer a few months back.

I was surprised I would ever see him again. I am not saying I was fucking disappointed, but with everything else that happened, I have put little thought into it. I know I will have to face my feelings and my club brothers sooner rather than later and, worse… the old ladies. My body visibly shakes at the thought of entering that lioness's den. I decide to turn and head back to the clubhouse. I have a feeling my woman is dead on her feet from traveling, and I’ve been selfish enough with her time.

When we finally make it back, I lead her once again to my room. I place Mable in the playpen; she barely moves and doesn't even open an eye. I leave Ophelia to the shower and back out of the room. Softly closing the door, I step back and stare.

In just one fucking day, my life has been turned upside down. I was just sleeping in that room, thinking about my future and where I was going to go from the loneliness eating me alive. Now that very same room holds my world. I stare for too long until Grease walks by. He stops, looks at me, turns and looks at the door, then bursts out laughing.

---