Page 82 of Volatile

“I wanted it. Badly. Both there and you to be the only person.”

“The only person you’ve fucked in public?” But that wasn’t right. We’d both done questionable things high off our asses in club bathrooms and venues while on tour. “That’s not right.”

“I’m not talking about being in public.”

My chest got tight. “You haven’t... But you’ve been with other men. I thought…” Or maybe I’d assumed.

“A couple, but for a long time, I stayed away from guys even though I was attracted to them because I thought they would trigger me, and I’d panic. But I’ve never let anyone else fuck me. It was all blowjobs. I couldn’t bring myself to do more, and there wasn’t much time I wasn’t dating Lucy.”

“I’m the only one you’ve let fuck you?” I asked, to clarify, getting harder. “That’s so hot. I don’t want anyone else to touch what’s mine.” I sucked on two fingers before pressing them into his hole.

He moaned and gasped as I played. “Wait… you’re the first since… I’m sorry.”

He started to withdraw, and it took me a second to understand what he meant.

I grabbed his chin. “I’m the first. That doesn’t count.”

“It does. There was someone else...” He cast his eyes down. Ashamed.It killed me.

“Aspen, look at me.” I lifted his face, stroking his jaw. “Not with your consent. It’s not the same. You let me. I’m the only one you’ve let inside you. It was your choice and a gift.”

He nodded, wavering.

I kissed him. “I love that you trust me enough and feel comfortable enough to let me.”

“I do. You’ve always been my safe place.”

TWENTY-FIVE

Aspen

Ididn’t want to leave. But sitting next to Royal hand in hand felt a world apart from when we’d come only a month before. Our relationship and friendship felt totally different. He felt different. The same, but more. Like he’d let me reach parts of himself he’d kept hidden away and never given to anyone before.

“Does graduation from anger management mean I can’t hit Levi when we land?”

“I think that is part of it. Unless you want to get sent back?” I said, giving him a playful side glance.

“So you’re saying I get to hit him and have more alone time with you?” Royal wasn’t even trying to hide. He felt the same way I did. He’d been calmer and more relaxed since we started meditation and yoga. It eased the lines in his face and made him look like he was in his twenties again.

Would it last? For either of us? I’d love to think I wasn’t an addict who turned to substances when it was easier, but I knew I was. I’d been self-medicating since I was eleven years old. I’d like to hold it off and need drugs as a crutch less.

So my first order of business as soon as we settled at Royal’s Ma’s was to find a yoga studio where we could get private sessions. I’d like to think in the last month, my fame had calmed down, but I couldn’t count on that. And my over-thinking went into overdrive the closer we got to landing.

Our bodyguards met us at the FBO, but we seemed to have slipped into the city undercover. Kingsley was in Chicago for another day, so no one was the wiser that Royal and I would be showing up.

“You look better.” Levi turned around to speak to us from the front seat.

“I’m shocked you came to pick us up.”

“I wanted to see the progress Delia promised for myself.”

Royal held up his middle finger. “Not hitting you is progress.”

Levi nodded thoughtfully. “Too true. I expected you to come back and kill me over preventing you from calling.”

Royal scoffed. “I fucking should. And the single bed.”

“Single room?” Levi glanced between us.

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