Page 60 of Pretty Black

“What?” My chest clenched. “How is that okay?”

Iris half shrugged. “I don’t know. This feels like it’s never going to end with Alexander, and part of me feels like we should just give up, but I know I can’t ask the rest of the guys to do that.”

“They would for you,” I said, believing it.

“I know, but I can’t ask it of them. So I have to weather the torture.” He blew out his cheeks. “At least they spend most of the day outside here.”

“It’s lovely.”

Iris reached up to brush his fingers over my face. “Dr. Kahn asked me what I liked outside of music. What happiness looked like, and I didn’t know how to answer her.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“I don’t know what happiness looks like outside of music. I don’t know how I want my life to look when all of this is over. Do I want to tour? Do I want to travel? Do I want to stay home and play Stardew?” He tucked his hand under my shirt. “She told me to think about it.”

“Have you?”

“A little bit.”

“What did you come up with?”

“I want you to take me on a date.”

I smiled. “When you get out of here?”

He nodded. “Would you do that, like really do that?”

“You mean being us publicly?” I asked, my smile mirroring his.

“Yes.” He searched my face.

“I want it. Badly. I don’t want to hide us anymore.”

“I want it too.” He exhaled some of the tension in his body.

“I may have told the guys about Stardust.”

His expression morphed from shock to amusement, then to laughter. “How did they take it?”

“Lowe admitted he and Saint did something similar.”

“I know, Saint’s voice was different in I Wish You The Best!”

I laughed. “Only fucking you would hear it.”

“I know voices. It’s what I do.”

“Fair.”

He draped an arm over his face, still rumbling with laughter. “What do they think of us?”

“They like it. At least that’s the vibe I got. I think they’re happy. We are both trying to be happy.”

“And how did they take the mental health stuff?”

“It took some processing. They hate that Alexander lied to them, I think.” I returned to playing with his hair.

Iris was silent for a long time. “I want to feel anything but this place.”

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