Page 5 of Pretty Black

“Do you even know what you’re putting in your body?”

“I don’t care what it is.”

“How can you not care?” I grabbed his jaw, turning his head so he’d look at me. See the fucking pain in my eyes. Maybe realize that what he was doing to himself was hurting me too.

For the first time since I’d met Iris, there was nothing behind his eyes. None of the intoxicating sparkle. None of the glow. None of the spirit and mischief he was known for. He was empty.

Had I already lost Iris?

Can I have a funeral for myself tho?

Plant a tombstone and let go

of all the faces and places I couldn’t embrace.

Three Years Ago

“What are you writing?” I found Iris on the balcony, with his back pressed against the glass, notebook clutched in his hand.

His gaze lifted. “Reworking something.”

“The album is nearly done. You can’t go adding stuff now.”

He had mischief in his eyes. “I can do whatever I want.”

“Alexander is already freaking out about this album. You are going to throw him for a loop.” I sunk to a seat next to him.

“He’ll get over it. It’ll be ready when it’s ready.” He lifted his shoulders, picking his phone up to check the screen before putting it back down.

“I’m sure he will get over it when he hears it, but that won’t make him any less insufferable about it.” I stared at him while he wrote, and I always wondered if he noticed. If he knew how much I looked at him. How much the entire world looked at him.

I wanted to seal these moments into a bottle and keep them close to my chest.

“I’ll ignore him.” He turned, catching me, and a smile curled over his lips. He cupped my face, bringing his lips to mine. “I missed you.”

“I wasn’t gone long.” I met his smile, giving mine back.

“Long enough for me to miss you.” He curled his tongue over mine, stroking them together, and he hummed with happiness.

These were the moments I lived for. There was a beauty in Iris that shone through all the chaos, when the parts of himself he held back from the public came out. The parts he gave to only me. The softness, the vulnerability, and the rawness I didn’t know existed until we slept together for the first time. He was unapologetic about himself, but this was different; this was parts of his soul laid bare.

I sucked the joy off his lips. “What has you so in need to add to the album? I thought you were happy with it.”

He laughed and broke the kiss, pressing his forehead to mine while he shook his head slightly.

“What?” I asked when he didn’t speak.

“It’s…I don’t know if I want to say yet.”

I put my hand over his on my cheek, playing between his fingers. “Now I’m even more curious.”

He laughed again, closing his eyes. “It feels like I’ll ruin it if I speak it.”

“This?”

He nodded, rubbing his nose over mine. “This.”

“Can I see?”

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