Page 53 of The Rough Rider

“That’s good.”

Her heart hurt. The story that Gus had told had horrified her, and part of her wanted to tell Elsie about it. But she also wanted to keep Gus’s confidence. Wanted him to be able to trust her with whatever he needed to.

Her loyalty to Gus was becoming something real. Big. She wanted...she wanted something from him, with him; she just wasn’t sure what.

“How are other things going?” Elsie asked.

“Do you mean living with Gus?”

“Yes. I do.”

“I... It’s going well.” She wanted to share about her feelings. About the way things were shifting. But she didn’t have words for it. “We got a sugar shaker, so that’s really revolutionized things.”

“Okay,” Elsie said. “I didn’t realize sugar shakers were quite so revelatory.”

“Yeah. And he said that I could order stuff for the house. But I just keep looking at things and not really pulling the trigger. Because it freaks me out. The idea of spending his money. But he says that I can. I mean, I’m working at the ranch now. But we haven’t really talked about me getting paid. I don’t know if it’s just...sharing all of our stuff. And I want to teach him how to cook. Because he doesn’t know how.”

“Really? Hunter does.”

“Oh.” She wondered why Hunter could cook, but Gus wouldn’t.

“Though, only breakfast,” Elsie said. “Which I have a feeling has something to do with the one-night stands he used to have.”

“Ah right. Yeah. Gus doesn’t cook anything. Everything’s just in his freezer. He’s uncivilized.”

Elsie said nothing for a moment, then finally asked, “So how long is this thing going to last?” Elsie’s eyes were keen and Alaina squirmed beneath her friend’s gaze.

“Well, it’s marriage, Elsie, so you tend to plan on it lasting forever.”

“Yeah, the people banking on forever are usually romantically involved.”

“We have an agreement. He’s...just going to go about his—” she wrinkled her nose “—sensual business. Like he always has.”

“And you’re okay with that?” Elsie asked, her lip curling.

“I... No.” As soon as she said that, she realized she wasn’t okay with it. Gus felt like hers. And if she really thought about it, Gus had felt like hers for a long time. Her protector. Her special...scary guardian mountain man who was always there when she needed him. Up to the point of marrying her. But what category did that fit in? And yeah, there was the kiss. And there was the way that he had touched her when he was rubbing her feet after the wedding.

And then there was him talking about rough sex.

But there was also him laughing at her when she’d asked about the two of them sleeping together.

“It’s complicated. If we add personal stuff between us... I’m worried. I’m worried about changing too many things. I mean, I guess we don’t really have to worry about it, right? Maybe someday we’ll...fall into that kind of thing. Naturally, you know? Maybe it will feel right someday. I don’t know.”

“So you, Alaina Sullivan, who are all about taking control of your life and your feelings, just want to wait and see what happens? Even though you don’t like the idea of the guy sleeping with other women?”

That made her furious. But she refused to show it. “Yeah. Sums it up.”

“Do you want him?”

A deep, profound pang went through her body. And it was like her whole brain turned away from even thinking about it. Like it was dangerous ground, and she was too afraid to walk on it.

She didn’t know how to answer it.

Nowas the wrong answer.

Yesfelt sharp and thorny and terrifying. Like it needed a wall built up around it. It was too big, too scary to face head-on.

Still, she couldn’t say no.

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