Page 126 of The Rough Rider

He brought her up against him, held her to his body, let her feel the way that his heart beat rage, how hard he had to breathe to catch up, all because of her.

“I knew it was you the whole time,” he said.

And she made a little whimpering sound, wiggling against him.

And it hurt so much, and he didn’t know why. Why something this good cut so deep. And suddenly he was just tired. Because it was the fight they’d had earlier, or tried to have. And the one they’d had the other day after the ultrasound. And the ultrasound itself. Hell, the wedding. The engagement. Finding her on her hands and knees throwing up at the town hall. Picking her up from the bar that night, knowing that something had happened. The first time he’d ever been attracted to her. And all the years before. Exhausting as hell.

And he wanted to relax, wanted to sleep. Wanted to just hold on to her and breathe for a minute, but he didn’t know how to do that.

Because sometimes everything seemed fine, and the night was still, and there wasn’t a fight, and the next morning someone was just gone, and they never came back.

And when you thought things couldn’t get worse, you were usually wrong. That’s what he had learned.

That’s what he had learned well.

So no matter how good it felt, no matter how tired he was, he knew he couldn’t drop that wall. He knew he couldn’t relax.

“I’ve got some work yet to do,” he said, knowing his voice sounded rough.

“It’s dark out,” she said.

“I know. I know. But... I gotta find a way to make it so we can pay for our portion of this. I don’t want your sisters to not get what they need.”

“Look, Fia might just have to wait. She might. That isn’t your fault. That’s just the reality of the situation.”

“I bet that she won’t see it that way.”

“Well, that’s too bad. She and I have a difference of opinion on this. In that I think the work you’re doing on the ranch needs to take priority. I stand with you on this.”

“Thank you.”

“So. Whatever work you’re doing... I’m going to go with you.”

His chest went tight, and he looked at her, all bright eyes staring up at him. “Alaina...”

“What?” A smile tugged at the corner of her lips. “Do you have to admit now that you were trying to avoid me?”

“I...” He shook his head.

“You do that. We get closer and you pull away. And you got mad, and you tried to push me away. Gus... I’m really sorry that I messed up. With the room. I didn’t know that there was stuff. I didn’t know that...”

“Come on,” he said. “Get dressed. Come with me. We’ll get out the ranch financials and have a look. This is your place too.”

And she looked so delighted by that, it made something in his chest hard. And then she got out of bed and put his T-shirt on, which barely came to the top of her thighs, and when she turned around he could still see the little crease right where her thighs met her ass. And if this was getting dressed to her, then he wholeheartedly approved. He put his jeans on, and didn’t bother with a shirt, and he could feel her staring at him, and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t like that too.

They went down to the new kitchen table, one of the many new things she had gotten, and he got out the ledgers for the ranch. “We just need to see what we can afford. That doesn’t go into the general pot. I’d like to not have a fight with your sisters, actually.”

She stared at him, her eyes luminous. And then she leaned across the table, putting her hand over his, and kissed him on the mouth. He closed his eyes and reveled in it. Luxuriated in the moment. How many moments like this had he ever had in his life? Quiet calm and a connection with another person?

“Gus,” she said. “I love you.”

CHAPTER NINETEEN

SHEHADN’TMEANTto say that. On the heels of this crazy fight they’d just had, right after they’d made love, and he’d tried to pull away from her again. But something had to change. And she’d realized that when they were trapped in that storm of Gus’s own making.

They got closer, he retreated and she let him. She never did anything to change it. To push them to a new place.

And she wanted to change that. Needed to. So someone had to take the first step. To change what they were. To change what they did.

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