Page 65 of Among the Sins of my Father

Darkness toys with the edges of my vision, just like it did then. I want to bang on the glass and alert Jericho. I want to scream. I want to run inside and hold a knife to his throat and watch his blood spurt over the table. Instead, I take a step back, and then another and another until the damp grass is under my feet and drops of rain are falling on my face. Lifting my hands, I watch them tremble. It’s strange that I can’t feel them, that their quivering went unnoticed. Bunching my fingers together in a fist, I crush them tightly until I know I’ve left marks.

chapter twenty-four

BERKLEY

I stare at my trembling hands as I sit in the car, waiting for the monster to return. When he appears, he doesn’t look like a monster. He doesn’t walk like one. Doesn’t sound like one. Doesn’t smile like one.

Swinging open the car door, he gets behind the wheel as though nothing has happened. Glancing over at me, he makes this tutting sound, as though he’s disappointed.

“It’s over now, daughter. Wipe away those tears.”

When I don’t move, he leans over, attempting to swipe his thumb across my cheek, but I press myself against the door, placing as much distance between us as possible.

He shakes his head as he starts the engine. “It’s over now.” The tires crunch over the gravel as he pulls away. “I only did what I did to show you your place. Which is here, in this world. By Michael’s side. You’ll thank me for it one day. You’ll realize I did it out of love. We’ll move past it now.”

I keep my eyes fixed on my hands, trying to stop them from trembling.

“You remind me of Katriane.” It’s the first time I’ve heard him speak of his wife. I’ve thought of her often over the years, wondering if she knew. If she tried to stop any of it. “She wasn’t always the strong woman that you knew her to be. She had to adjust. She knew her place and learned how to use it to her advantage.” There’s silence for a few moments and then he says angrily, “You won’t even look at me.”

I hold my hands together tightly.

“Look at me, goddammit!”

I turn my head, lifting my eyes to meet his. He glares at me before returning his attention to the road.

“This life offers you privilege in the world, Everly. You’d be a fool to waste it. From now on, you’ll be grateful. You’ll know your place. You’ll accept it and you’ll help Michael. It’s not too late for us to be a family, Everly. I’m planning on going into business with the Gormans. A nice little stud farm on the outskirts of the city.” He winks.” Play your cards right and you could help run it. You always loved being around the horses when you were little.”

“I know nothing about horses.”

“You’ll learn.”

He prattles on like this for the rest of the car trip. It’s as though his mind has been wiped of what he just did. As though he doesn’t give it a thought at all.

It’s different for me. Once back at the house, I walk up to Michael’s room almost in a trance.

I long for a flash or even the familiarity of twisting nausea in my gut, but all that races through my head are memories. It’s like my mind is stuck, forced to replay the vision of what my father did to that girl over and over like a broken record. I lie under the blanket of Michael’s bed as though it can block out the memories, but it doesn’t.

I feel each of the tears she shed. I feel every lash of the leather as it bit her skin. I taste the sobs as they were wrenched from her mouth. I wish I could have taken her place, maybe then the heaviness of guilt wouldn’t sit like a weight inside me.

My father is a monster. And I am his daughter. Cowering in fright, hiding under the covers.

Unable to take anymore, I toss the blankets aside, ignoring the pain as I run to the door and yank it open. I start to run, racing blindly through the house, searching for a way to escape. I run out onto the patio, around the pool and start sprinting through the garden. Desperation guides my steps. I run until I come across the winding driveway and push myself to the gates. My hands grapple with the bars, slippery in the rain as I try to climb.

Floodlights blind me. I hear the footsteps of the guards. I scramble, trying to climb as they push nearer and nearer. But then I remember her. I remember Ette. And I know I can’t leave.

I let myself fall, not caring when I collapse on the hard ground.

There’s the static buzz of a radio and someone says, “I’ve got her.” Someone else nudges me with their boot. “On your feet.”

I don’t move.

I can’t move.

I’m lifted, someone cradling me against them. If I close my eyes, I can imagine it’s Jericho. It takes me back to when I thought I had to escape him. If only I’d known.

“What happened?” It’s Michael’s voice now. He must be back from the Sanctuary.

“She tried to escape,” the guard explains as he lowers me.

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