Page 14 of Among the Sins of my Father

“The set of them is the same, not the color, but the shape.” I don’t correct her. There’s no point. But she adds, “I can’t believe you’re fucking her,” and I flinch at her words.

She moves, sitting on her knees and yanks up one sleeve of her sweater. “Look.” She holds her bare arm out. “This was the only control I had over my own body, the only option I had to exert a little power.”

I stare at her arms and the thin pale lines that run down them. It’s as though someone has forced their nails deeply into her skin and dragged them down her arm.

She tugs her sleeves back down. “He hated it. He told me that my body was his to scar, not mine.” She slinks down as she talks, growing smaller with each word. “He put a collar around my neck and chained me to his desk after I did it. He kept me there for days. Like a dog. He’d click his fingers and I’d have to crawl to him. And I’m finally set free to find you’re fucking his daughter.”

“It’s not her fault. She didn’t know who he was.”

“It’s not what she did or didn’t know that’s upsetting. It’s what you knew. I never expected you to wait for me. I mean, our marriage was hardly normal, but I never considered that…” She lets out a big sigh. “Did you know who she was when you. . . when you…”

She looks up at me. There’s an expectation in her eyes. An expectation to deny I knew who she was. To claim my innocence. But I can’t.

“Yes. I knew exactly who she was. That was the whole reason I hired her. I had a plan. I was going to use her to make him talk.”

“So why didn’t you?”

“He was in jail.” I know I’m lying to her but I’m not sure she’s ready to know the truth. She seems strong. She seems ready to tackle life, but I know what trauma can do and I don’t want to overwhelm her.

“They caught him?”

I’m surprised. “You didn’t know?’

She laughs but it’s cold. “Strangely, my subscription to the Captive Daily didn’t always make it.”

“His place was raided the day after the auction.” I don’t look at her as I say it. I know how devastating it was for me discovering she was missing. Again. I can’t imagine what it must be like for her, hearing how close she was to safety.

She just sits for a while, staring at a blank space on the wall. Even though the familiarity is there in her features, she’s a stranger to me now. She’s hard where she used to be soft. Tough where she used to be weak. Scarred where she used to be flawless. And I can’t help feeling like it’s all my fault. Like she blames me.

I need her to understand the things I did. The decisions I made, so I plunge into the story, giving her only the details she needs.

“When you were taken, the first person I thought of was Keating. I thought he’d organized some way to simply get rid of you in order to get custody of Ette. So I lied. I told the police she was taken too.”

Her eyes widen. “You did what?”

“According to the official police record, Odette is missing, just like you. I did it to protect her. I did it so I could keep her here, away from him, and no one would question it. I kept Mrs Bellamy on and she’s been with me ever since. She’s been like a mother to the girl. I hired tutors and swore them to secrecy. I’ve done everything I can to give her a life you would have wanted for her.”

I can’t read the expression on Hope’s face so I blindly keep pressing forward, spilling all the secrets I’ve kept for years.

“I’ve dedicated my entire life to you and her, Hope. I spent all my time, all my money just trying to find you. I hired Barrett to watch Keating but he found nothing. He was convinced that Keating had nothing to do with your disappearance so we moved onto other theories. We chased the idea of you all over the world. I went on wild goose chases that resulted in nothing.” I move closer to her, hoping she can hear the sincerity in my voice. “After years and years of chasing ghosts, I finally got confirmation that you were with him, with the monster before he was jailed. I became obsessed. I sought information on his wife, his children, the women he’d held captive, the people who’d worked for him, anything and everything I could. And then finally, I came up with a plan.”

“And Berkley was part of it,” she says, as though she’s resigning herself to hear the part of the story she doesn’t want to.

“I made up a position for a dance tutor and hired her. I tricked her into coming here, living here with us and it was during that time she got under my skin.”

“Under your skin or under your clothes?”

Her crudeness annoys me and I lash out without thinking. “Well, it’s not as though you didn’t fuck others.” Pain flicks across her face. What a callous thing to say. I reach out to her but she jerks away. “That was stupid. I didn’t mean it, Hope. I’m sorry. I just lashed out without thinking.”

“People have said worse.” She shrugs as though unaffected but I know how cruel my comment was.

“She’s the one who got the information about where you were. It was her contacts, her charm that enabled me to find you. If it weren’t for Berkley, you wouldn’t have been found. You owe her some thanks for that.”

Hope jumps up, her hands fisted at her sides. “I don’t owe anyone anything! You included!”

“I didn’t mean—”

“Look around you, Jericho. You talk as though your life has been difficult. Oh poor me, searching for my stolen wife. You got to spend your life surrounded by people who respect and admire you.” She twirls on her heels, arms wide, head lifted to the ceiling. “I mean look at this place. You live in a fucking castle!”

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