Page 47 of Searching for Hope

My words come out slightly slurred. I must sway slightly because Michael reaches out.

“He’s my cousin. Careful. You don’t want to go over.”

I shrug and take another sip of my drink. I don’t even know what this one is or where it came from. Michael just shoved it in my hand, and I started drinking it.

“It’s okay. I’ll only end up in the pool and I’ve got my bathers on.” I wave the sides of my dress, showing the bikini I’m wearing.

Michael laughs. “I’ve noticed.” He pats the space beside him. “Come here. Sit. You’re worrying me being that close to the edge.” He pulls a cigarette out of his pocket and lights it. I flop down onto the oversized cushion, falling close to Michael. He holds out the cigarette.

“Want some?” His voice high from holding in his breath.

“What is it?”

Michael lets out a stream of breath. The smoke swirls above our heads before dissipating into the night air.

“It’s just weed.” He holds it in front of my face. Then he grins. “Laced with a little LSD.”

I push his hand away and he laughs as he takes another puff. He keeps puffing until the ash burns close to his fingers and then he tosses it over the edge of the roof. Leaning back, he sighs deeply, a smile across his face, and wraps his arm around me. I don’t bother moving. It’s nice to have the heat of his body close by. Then I remember what he said about Dominic.

“So he’s your cousin, huh?”

Michael nods. “His mother is my father’s sister. We don’t see them much. She’s a bit—” He doesn’t say anything more, merely rolls his eyes and rotates his fingers at his head, implying he thinks she’s crazy. “I don’t even know what Dommie’s doing here. He’s a dick.”

“He is not,” I retort.

Michael shrugs and takes another puff. “You know,” he says, his voice lazy. “With your father out of the picture, all we’d need to do is knock mine off and we could become the rulers of their world. We’d make quite the power couple, don’t you think?”

His fingers brush over my skin gently, teasing the material off my shoulder. He touches the puckered flesh of my scar and I have to stop myself from flinching. Even now, years later, the wound still feels numb and strange as though it’s not really part of me.

“Did it hurt?” he asks. I laugh and then Michael laughs. “You were fucking shot. Of course it hurt.”

Pushing him away, I cover the scar with my hand. “I can’t remember actually.”

“Nothing?”

I shake my head and shuffle closer to Michael. His body is on fire and I snuggle into the heat of him. “Nothing,” I repeat.

There are even more stars in the sky now. It amazes me how more appear the longer you stare. It’s like they’re just waiting there for you to notice them.

“We’d make a good couple, don’t you think?” Michael says again. “We’d be joining two powerful families together.”

“I don’t know if you can call my family powerful anymore.” I ignore the question.

He tightens his grip and reaches across to tilt my chin upwards so I’m looking at him. His pupils are dilated, making his usually light blue eyes dark. They flick down to my lips and he licks his own.

“Michael,” I warn, and attempt to move away.

He tightens his grip. “Don’t ruin this, Ev. You know we belong together. You know it. I know it. Our families have always known it. Why else do you think your dad asked me to look out for you in school?” I go to sit up, but he pulls me back down, leaning over me. “Don’t fight this, Ev.”

And then he crushes his mouth to mine. For a moment, I’m lost in the familiarity of him. His kiss brings back the flood of excitement from the very first time. I’m a schoolgirl again. Young. Naïve. Innocent. My heart thuds loudly in my chest.

But then sobriety cuts through. I remember who I am. And who I’m with. I push him off and scramble to my feet.

Michael flops back onto the cushion, covering his face with his hands and groaning loudly. “For fuck’s sake, Ev. Why do you keep torturing me like this?”

“I’m not torturing you,” I snap.

“Fucking look at you,” he waves his hand in my direction. “Look at the way you’re dressed. You expect me to sit here beside you as you press yourself into me like that and not do anything about it?”

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