Page 50 of Say You Love Me

“You’re all I think about. When I’m working. When I’m at home. It’s like you’re my new addiction.” He yawns and the cigarette falls out of his mouth. I rush over to grab it from burning a hole in his shirt as his eyelids droop. His head sways, falling toward his chest before jerking up again. He opens blurry eyes.

“I think I’m in love with you, Fin,” he says.

And then he falls to sleep.

“He’s in love with you?” Hudson’s deep voice sounds behind me and he chuckles. “Poor kid.”

There’s no jealousy in his tone. It’s like he thinks it an impossibility that I’d ever like Rylee back. And he’s right. He knows that I’m his. Always and forever.

Rylee sighs deeply and changes his position on the chair, nestling down.

“What are we going to do with him? We can’t just leave him here.”

Hudson pushes a strand of my hair behind my ear. “We’ll throw a blanket over him. He’ll be fine.”

“He’s an addict, Hudson. Goodness knows what he took or how much of it.” Guilt gnaws in my gut.

“And that was his choice. It had nothing to do with us.”

I look down at Rylee and Hudson guides my gaze back to him with the pressure of his finger under my chin. “He’ll be fine,” he says firmly.

He brings me to his chest, enveloping me in an embrace. “I liked watching you two tonight,” he says, his lips pressing against my scalp. “You looked amazing spread out on the floor with his fingers inside you.”

My insides clench uncontrollably at his words. “Stop, you’re making me wet again,” I brazenly whisper back, hoping to tempt him into touching me or allowing me to touch him.

“I’m still hard. I’ve been hard for hours now. It’s painful.”

I hold my breath as I slide my hand between us and palm his cock through his pants. He groans but doesn’t pull away so I become more daring, pushing my hand under the hem of his pants so I can grip him.

“Oh my god, Hudson.” Every cell in my body ignites. All I want is to make him feel good, make him come.

Hudson pulls away from me and rests his hands on my shoulders. His eyes are dark and filled with lasciviousness as he presses down, forcing me to my knees. I don’t resist. My knees hit the hard concrete as I fumble with his zipper, pushing it down and freeing his cock from its confines. Saliva pools. Hudson’s hands thread into my hair

“What about—”

He guides my head and I open my mouth, groaning as he pushes in deeply. He doesn’t allow me control. He holds my head in place as he slides in and out, fucking my mouth. I can’t help it as my fingers slip to play with myself.

It feels glorious to have him want me again.

To have him use me.

chapter twenty-two

THEN

~

FINITY

We called her Calla, after my father. It almost hurts to look at her. She’s so beautiful. She has these perfect rosebud lips and soft blonde fuzz for hair. Her eyes are a deep blue, though the midwife said they will change as she grows.

I can see myself in her. There’s something about the shape of her face, or maybe it’s the set of her eyes. They are mine. I wish they weren’t. I don’t want to look at her and see myself. I want to see Hudson. Secretly, I’d been hoping for a boy. A little Hudson. Someone who could be molded and shaped in his image. Someone for me to love. But now that she’s here, now that the perfection of my daughter is before me, I don’t care. I don’t care about anything apart from the fact that she is happy and healthy.

I hated being pregnant. I hated what it did to my body, the way it stretched and changed, the way it flooded me with hormones until I no longer knew what it felt like to be me. I hated that it made me nauseous. I hated the way it felt when she turned inside me. It was as though my body no longer belonged to me and I was just a vehicle for the baby.

When I walked into Lori and Lance’s home, Lance no longer greeted me, he greeted the baby. Lori didn’t take my cheeks between her hands and ask how I was, she bent to her knees and talked to the baby instead.

And it changed the way Hudson treated me. I was no longer the woman he loved; I was the woman carrying his child. He handled me with care. He was gentle and sweet when all I wanted was him to fuck me with the wild abandon that he used to. But he couldn’t, or he wouldn’t.

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