Page 85 of Make Me Scream

Nothing I say could help him really understand what it was like. He’s never needed to escape, never felt the dread of being cursed to rot in the same small town forever.

“I’m not giving up my scholarship,” I say. “And I’m not going back to Ohio.”

“You don’t have to go back there. My offer stands, Gwen. You can go to any other school and I will pay your way, completely. No strings attached. You wouldn’t have to put up with Mundell. You could bring back Enmity Jane immediately, and Joel would have nothing to worry about.”

I want to believe him, but what guarantee would I have that he’d honor his promise and pay my way through school? What if he ghosts me the second his job is secure? How do we even know Mundell would back off?

“If I accept your offer, and you stay, what’s to stop Mundell from blackmailing you again?” I ask.

“He’ll have what he wants. Enmity Jane won’t be associated with his school, and I won’t be in bed with one of his students.”

“Maybe,” I say. It makes sense, but then again, the threat of losing his job would always hang over Lane. What if people discovered he’s really Alistair Rat? Mundell would definitely fire him. Wouldn’t it be better to rip off that bandage now?

“Lane, I have to do what’s right for myself. I can’t throw away what I’ve worked for.”

He sighs.

“If I quit, Rush wins.”

A sharp wind blows between the buildings, creeping under my sweater and sending a chill through my chest.

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“He’s hated my art since I got started,” Lane says. “He’s a total hypocrite, fucking over anyone who doesn’t adhere to his taste. I don’t want him to win. It isn’t right.”

“No, it isn’t. And I’m sorry about that, but I can’t go home. I need this.”

My phone beeps at me; the battery is close to dead. That’s fine. There’s not much left to discuss.

“Gwen, I understand,” he says. “I’ll… I’ll figure this out. I’ll find leverage on Rush. I’ll make him stand down. I promise.”

He hangs up. I stare at my phone, considering whether or not to call him back, when it dies.

Whatever. I’m done thinking about this. My head aches, and I’m starving; I haven’t eaten since that bagel. If he fucks this up, I’ll…

I don’t know.

When I get home, Joel’s left a note saying he’s out celebrating with Martin. A fresh canvas rests on a stand next to the note: a portrait of me as the Bloody Bride — it’s haunting, and gorgeous.

Mundell is going to hate it.

I boil a pot of spaghetti and microwave a bag of frozen broccoli florets. While they cook I grab some papers and pencils and start to draw. It’s been too long since I worked onThe Ohio Zoo, but I’ve got another idea, thanks to Joel.

I spent years thinking about the performance that would become “Bloody Bride.” I can’t perform it again, for the time being — but as Joel’s shown me, I can still use the idea in another way. This character had a reason for standing in Union Square after a violent ordeal.

Did she survive it, or cause it? I want to tell her story — how she fought to stay sane in a world that kicked her and cursed her no matter how she begged for acceptance. Even as they tore her down and built her into something unrecognizable, she never forgot who she was. She remembered.

Eating and working takes my mind off Lane and Mundell.

Lane is deluding himself, thinking there’s some clever way out of this. There isn’t. He has my whole future in his hands, so he better do the right thing.

Chapter 20

Considering Rush invaded my studio yesterday without warning, it’s only fair for me to show up at his penthouse. He’s probably expecting me anyway.

I haven’t been here in years. Rush doesn’t often have guests in his home, preferring to host gatherings at galleries and at school.

Men like us need a sanctuary,he once told me.A place where we can explore our art in solitude. For me, it’s here.

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