Page 6 of Tears and Other Fears

“It is now,” I interrupted before releasing her. “Good luck.”

I turned on my heels and shoulder-checked Young, heading towards the door. I didn’t check if he was following, because I knew in my heart that he would stay behind and give her some bullshit apology and blame it all on me. That’s why I was here, wasn’t it? To fight the battle he had no interest in fighting. To claim revenge for a small role in my brother’s death.

I got to his car and stood outside the passenger seat, my shaking frame annoying the fuck out of me as I stared at the handle. I was vibrating with energy, the bloodlust coursing through me like a hurricane. And yet it was hollow, too. Not enough or maybe too much.

Gratification was like graffiti, inking buildings with statements and art but easily covered up with neutral colors. My time at the hospital and the pills running through my veins were covering up the fact that I had one less person on my list of blame.

Young appeared outside after five minutes and unlocked the car before settling in the front seat. I got in after him and handed him his phone. “You okay?” I asked, though I already knew the answer.

“Yeah,” he replied.

“You can send it if you want.”

“Wouldn’t make me feel any better. I was happy just ending it on my terms, but you needed this,” he said, already trying to push it off on me.

“Ineeded this?” I asked incredulously. “You needed it too, asshole.”

Young held the key in the ignition but stared at his hands. “What I need can’t be given to me by fucking revenge or sex or anything else. I need William back. It might make you feel better to ruin that woman’s life, but it doesn’t help me. The only thing that helps is looking at you. So just let me do that, and don’t bring this up again.”

“Whatever you say, Nathaniel.” His real name was like a sinister purr. Push, push, push them away. Never ever let them stay.

Chapter 3

“So what’s the plan, Octavia?”Young asked with a sigh before wandering over to the modern couch in his living room and sitting down. I slowly made my way towards him, then sat down close enough to rest my head on his shoulder. I was feeling so worn down, so unlike myself. I just felt off. Tired. Weaning off the meds was harder than I remembered. I’d done it before, but something was off; I’d never been this numb before.

We’d spent the last couple of days lingering around his apartment. I never sent the photo of Mrs. Robinson. I told myself that it was because I wanted that woman to spend every fucking waking moment wondering when the punch was going to land. I was in it for the long haul.

It wasnotbecause Young didn’t want the photo getting out. Nope. Not at all.

“I need to find William’s drug dealer. His name is Renon. He’s pretty cute. He’s got that totaldon’t give a fuckattitude I love. We would have one hell of a threesome, if I’m honest.”

I looked up at Young as he gave me a sultry, possessive look before forcing a laugh. The movement made us both bounce. “I’m almost afraid to ask why you want to see him,” Young replied.

“You want proof that Samuel killed William? I’m going to give it to you. Renon supplied Samuel with the tainted drugs that killed William.”

“Even if he gave William the drugs, which would be devastating, there’s no way Samuel knew, Octavia. Shit like this happens. Are you going to burn down the drug cartel while you’re at it?”

“I’ve seen enough James Bond movies to know how to blow up a drug lord’s home, Young,” I deadpanned while observing the chipped polish on my nails.

“I don’t doubt that one bit,” he replied honestly before letting out a sigh. “Okay, so even if Samuel knew about the tainted drugs, how do you plan on proving it?” he asked. I let out a shaky breath. The old me, the girl not pumped full of lingering prescriptions and sadness, would have had a plan. But things were far more straightforward now. So instead, I replied with a shrug.

“I’m going to ask him. After I find him, of course.”

“I’ve seen him around a few times on campus. I don’t have him on speed dial or anything, but I’m sure he’ll be easy to find.” Young gave me a once over as if trying to figure out if I was in one of my self-destructive moods. His sweeping eyes assessed me thoroughly, taking in the vast spirit glowing in my eyes and the distinct way I bit my lip. He must’ve decided that it was safe to continue, because he then replied, “I might have something that could help.” He stood, then headed over to his bedroom. Not waiting for an invitation to follow, I went after him.

Last time we were here, the sex chicken game had taken over my brain. I didn’t even have time to take in his room. But now, it’s all I could look at. He had clean, modern furniture, and a navy blue bedding the thickness of a cozy quilt covered his bed. Clothes were scattered around the wood floor, and when I looked at the nightstand, I wasn’t surprised to find a photo of Young and William. It was a cheesy snapshot, one of those Instagram worthy shots—a damn selfie where the couple looked adoringly into each other’s eyes with the sunset dipping into a beachy background.

“Where was that taken?” I asked, hating myself a little for how choked up I sounded.

“My parents’ vacation home at the Hamptons. We should go some time.” I must’ve made a vulgar expression because Young flinched.

“I’m not going to the Hamptons with you.” I still wasn’t myself enough to say what we were both thinking. I would never be William. I would never do William’s things. Dates at the beach would make me think of him, and I just wanted to think of Young.

When neither of us spoke for long enough to really make us both wildly uncomfortable, Young finally remembered that he came here for a reason. Going to his closet, he opened the door and reached up to pull a box from the top shelf. “I have William’s old cell phone. He left it here the night he caught me with Lucinda—I mean Mrs. Robinson.”

I felt that giddy sense of anticipation. I was like an addict for more information about my brother. He always had his cell phone on him; it would be the holy grail of information. I tried not to look too eager, knowing that Young was giving up a piece of his William for me.

“Have you ever looked through it?” I asked. I had to force myself to keep my fingers firmly at my side as he plugged the phone in and turned it on.

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