Page 26 of Tears and Other Fears

“Why?”

“Because I want you. That’s what you do, right? Fuck to feel?”

“No. I mean why now?” I croaked.

“I’m not sure I understand—”

I shoved at his chest. “Why didn’t you believe me? Why did you have to hear for yourself? Who are you?”

My voice was shrill and manic, my heart hammering against my chest like it was trying to knock the last nail in my brother’s coffin. “You can’t blame me for questioning—”

“Why? Because I’m crazy? Because you didn’t want to believe it? Did you even love William?”

“Of course I loved your brother, Octavia. I believed you, I just needed proof.”

“I WAS YOUR PROOF, NATHANIEL,” I roared. “I’m so glad you’re finally on board thekill Samuel train, but why now? Why weren’t you watching out for William? Why were you cheating on him? Why didn’t you save him?”

Young’s face turned to stone as he stared at me. I was losing grip on my realities, letting the cold truth seep through my pores and stick to my skin. I couldn’t continue this way, couldn’t pretend that fucking was just fucking and love was just a four letter word for death. I couldn’t pretend that I didn’t hate Young for the sake of keeping William’s memory alive, and I certainly couldn’t pretend that this world was okay living in.

“Octavia, kiss me,” Young pleaded, but I kept still.

“No.”

He reached up to grab my cheeks, and I flinched. His knuckles were bloodied and bruised, the corner of his lip was cracked. He flexed his muscles and took another step, closing the short distance between us with determination. “Kiss me,” he coaxed in a sensual whisper.

“I thought you needed time, huh? To figure out if you could handle me?”

“I don’t need time. I need you.”

“I call the shots here, Young.”

“I like it when you call me Young.”

“Shut the fuck up and get it over with,Nathaniel.” My voice was broken and choppy as I braced my palms against his chest.

Young didn’t crash his lips to mine. It was a subtle, sensual connecting of skin. His lips were hot and wet, soaked with regret. I pounded on his chest.

“Don’t you kiss me like you give a fuck,” I whispered.

“I wouldn’t dare.”

Young picked me up, and I wrapped my legs around his waist, slumping into his arms in defeat. I didn’t know if giving up was supposed to feel so warm and hot, but it did. I’d gotten what I wanted, but it wasn’t enough. It was never enough.

I sobbed into the crook of his neck as he kicked open his bedroom door and lay me down on his bed. I breathed in the smell of his scent and wiped at my leaky eyes.

“Where’d my Octavia go?” he asked while kissing the inside of my wrist. I could see his hard cock through his sweats. “I thought this was what you wanted?”

I didn’t know what I wanted anymore.

I let him take off my jeans and panties. I let him pull his steel erection out and align it with my slick cunt. I let him thrust inside of me.

I felt myself letting go. I felt him use me up like the vacant, warm body I was. This wasn’t sex. This wasn’t the loud, unforgiving fuck I was used to.

This was goodbye.

Chapter 15

I didn’t sneakout the next morning. It wasn’t my usual, but I couldn't find the energy to get out of bed. Young woke up early and kissed me on the cheek, too self-absorbed in his own revenge to notice that I wasn’t really there. Or at least, I didn’t think I was really there.

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