Page 29 of Lies and Other Drugs

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Ipicked a subtle bar to eat down the street. The music played softly, and old men sat at the bar, drinking whiskey on the rocks as we settled into a booth. I picked a quieter place because I knew that the silence made Noah's thoughts scream at him. Whenever he was struggling to cope with his daughter's death, he would go to loud dance clubs to drink. Not particularly because he liked the venue, but because he liked getting so overstimulated that there was no room in his brain for the pain he felt.

He grabbed my hand from across the table, brushing his thumb over my skin with a tentative smile. I knew he was wondering why I brought him here, but he didn't want to bring up his problem. Mentioning his addiction would require him to admit that he was tempted by alcohol. And Noah was so wrapped up in my issues that admitting his own would've been too much.

The waitress that took our order was wearing a crop top and had braces on her teeth. The deep set wrinkles in her face caused by many years in the sun made her look beautiful but durable. I didn't want to age gracefully. Hell, I didn't want to age at all. I wanted to wear the evidence of my life on my face, like her. "Two whiskey and Cokes please?" I asked. I was daring Noah to contradict me and order water. Instead, he just looked down at the table.

"What are you doing, Octavia?" Noah asked in a whisper as she walked away.

I gave him my best smile before answering, "Oh come on, I was just ordering your favorite drink." I'm sure he was cataloging my face, trying to look for signs of lying. With any luck, he would think that I was testing him, and I guess in some ways I was. But like my mother, and like everyone else I knew, Noah would fail. Temptation was always just a little too much. Or was it? Was telling myself that Noah couldn’t handle it just another form of sabotaging myself? I was starting to lose count of the ways my brain was ruining me and my relationships.

When the drinks arrived, I took a gulp, shocking us both. It burned going down, igniting a fire in my stomach. I licked my lips before looking at Noah over the rim of my glass, quirking up a brow as he stared back at me. “I’m not going to be like your mother, Octavia,” he said in a low voice before taking the glass in my hand and pushing it over. “I’m not going to fail you. If I say I’m done, I’m done.” Damn Noah, knowing what I needed to hear.

“When it’s just us, I don’t think you’re like her,” I whispered. I knew that he loved me enough to quit. But there were stipulations involved. It was easy to look at me from across the table and say he was a new man. It was when Noah was alone that he destroyed himself. And that’s why the temptation would eventually consume him, because he’d be alone here very soon.

“I’m going to the bathroom,” I said before picking up my purse. Mrs. Mulberry’s gun sat heavy in it. Standing, I adjusted my short, black dress before walking towards the back of the bar where the restrooms were located. I took a moment to look over my shoulder and stare at Noah. He looked so beautiful there, oblivious to my plans. It was crazy to think that the last time he’d ever see me was in a bar. Maybe he wouldn’t regress. Maybe he’d start to associate alcohol with losing me. He traced his finger along the condensation on the glass. It was only a matter of time.

I then slipped out the back door and walked down the street, my heels on the dirty concrete and my beating heart were the only sounds I could hear.

Chapter 18

Iwas underdressed. The scholarship event was being held at a networking event space in the School of Business building. It was wildly inconvenient. The slinky black dress I was wearing wastoodressy for me to sneak in through the service entrance, but not dressy enough to go through the front door. Since being banned from campus, I wouldn’t put it past President Robinson to hand my photo to the security guards stationed at the entrance. Probably a bad photo, too. So instead, I texted Samuel.

“Come get me.”

“Where are you?”

“Outside.”I could practically feel his sigh of discontent via his text.

Within minutes, he was walking outside, wearing a surprised and forced smile. After crossing the street and ignoring the curious stares of others passing by, he stopped in front of me and whistled. “Ms. Wilson, you look underdressed in thebestof ways,” he joked. I looked up at him in amusement. He was wearing a navy suit that highlighted the cool tones in his green eyes. His golden hair reflected in the setting sunlight. “Listen, about last night…” he scratched the back of his neck while looking around.

“Oh, I know you were trying to help. That was the drug dealer, right? The one supposedly supplying William. I won’t lie, I’m surprised that you know him.” Secrets, secrets, were no fun. Not unless you tell everyone.

Samuel scratched the back of his neck before looking behind him at the banquet hall. He then grabbed my elbow and guided me to the shadows of a nearby brick building that smelled like cheeseburgers. “I’m not proud of it, but there’s a reason I was failing my first semester here, Octavia.” Everyone had their vices, I supposed.

“Such a shame. I find you considerably less attractive now,” I pouted, keeping a teasing edge to my voice.

“That was the old me,” Samuel assured while squeezing me tighter.

I leaned forward, smelling the wine on his breath and checking his pupils. “If that was the old you, then why is Renon chasing you down now?”

Samuel went pale then quickly recovered. “Did you need something?”

I decided to ignore how he changed the subject. “Get me inside this swanky event?” I asked.

“She’s not here,” Samuel rushed out. Something was...off about his behavior again. It reminded me of all the times my mother tried to hide her stash.

“Oh?”

“Yeah. Nathaniel just told me she couldn’t make it. Guess he’s off the hook for tonight,” he said with a shrug. Samuel had no idea how truthful that statement was.

“I wouldn't be so sure about that. Escort me past the security guards inside?” I asked.

Samuel’s eyes darkened as he pressed me against the brick wall.

“Why? I can think of somethingmuchmore fun to do,” he offered before bracing his hand against the brick beside my head and kissing my lips. It was a forced gesture I didn’t quite understand.

Twisting away, I spoke. “No, I’d really like to go inside.”

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