Page 27 of Lies and Other Drugs

I raised my arm up, finger lazily caressing the trigger of a gun I didn’t know how to use. “You think you’re gonna kill me? Then what?” Young asked. He was calling me out on my shit, and I didn’t like it. I talked a big game and brought a big gun, but at the end of the day, could I really put a bullet in his skull?

“Your affair killed my brother. Think I give a fuck about you? I’ll do it, I really fucking will!” I screamed. He didn’t even flinch; my anger intrigued him more than scared him.

I looked down at the gun in my hand. It was surprisingly heavy and made my palm itch. “Tell me what happens next, Tav. Tell me what you’re doing here.” His eyes were soft as he pleaded with me. It was so much easier when he was mean. I could handle the anger. I couldn’t handle the compassion.

They said crimes of passion happened when a person's emotions got the best of them. It should have been easy. Lift the pistol, place it against his temple, and shoot. I had the anger. I had the reason. But death was too quick and permanent. I’d only just started ruining his life.

“I hate you,” I said, my voice losing some of its previous power. Bile rose in my throat in response to how pathetic I sounded.

“Just tell me what to do. Tell me what you want, Octavia,” he asked once more. My head snapped up at the use of my real name, and suddenly I knew what would cause him more pain than a bullet through the head. “I just…I just want you to be okay,” he added.

I steered the conversation away from that dangerous place where his feelings mattered. “If I sucked you off, would you get hard? Would you imagine my brother on his knees in front of you?” I dropped to the floor, my knees landing with a thud. Reaching for his zipper, I licked my lips before looking up to smile at him.

“I look kind of like my brother, don’t I? Same eyes. Same nose.” Slowly, I lowered his zipper, and a gasp escaped his lips. I couldn’t tell if he was pleased or disgusted, nor did I care. I put my feelings in a pretty little box, tucked away for the day I could handle them. I then dipped my hands behind the waistband of his jeans, smiling a bit when I felt hard, delicious cock.

“You look nothing like him,” Nathaniel said while grabbing my chin and tilting it up, making me look him in the eye. “’Cause when I fucked your brother, he had love in his eyes. You? You’re empty, Octavia.”

I stood with a scowl, meeting his challenging stare with one of my own. “Well, then why don’t you fill me up, Young?”

We. Fucking.Collided.

Like a meteor falling towards earth, gravity just forcing it down until it was buried deep in the ground. I kissed Young with a boiling hatred that seemed to overflow from both of us. I bit him,hard.I dug my teeth into his neck, feeling the soft way his blood pooled beneath his skin. And when I pulled away, his perfect skin was bruised and spotted. I smiled at it before shoving his chest, pushing him into the wall with a grunt before spitting in my palm and wrapping my fingers around his cock.

Young closed his eyes, and I squeezed just hard enough to make him uncomfortable. "Don't you fucking close your eyes. You're not going to imagine my brother while I'm touching you. You're gonna seeme."

Young opened his eyes then looked at me with such hatred and peace in his stare that it scared me a little. Stroking him, I kissed his lips again, twisting my tongue with his in a delightful little dance. "I see you, Tav. I see the parts of you he hated," he growled after jerking away from me. Two hands landed on my shoulders, and I was turned around, his hardness digging into my back as he wrapped his arm around my neck and used his free hand to travel up my thigh to caress my wet need. My dress was hiked up and a finger slipped past the barrier of my thong. I let out a moan as he plunged inside of me. In and out he moved as his palm rubbed at my clit.

"All I feel is you. I feel how wet you are for a man you hate," he teased, and my damn traitorous body quivered, fuckingquiveredat his words. I straightened my spine and pressed my ass into his hard body.

"Andyou'rehard for your dead boyfriend's sister,” I replied.

I felt his lips against the ridge of my ear as he spoke, stroking me to the cusp of oblivion then slowing his pace, refusing my orgasm. Fucker. "Don't you know, Octavia? Your brother was so much more than just my boyfriend. I would have married him," he whispered. I heard the heartbreak in his voice, the disappointment.

"Well, you fucked that right up then. Sleeping with a married woman instead of the man you supposedly loved," I said before pulling away. I spun around to face him and slipped out of my dress rather ungracefully. The tight material stuck to my body like even it didn't want me to do this. It was cold in Young’s apartment. Goosebumps pebbled up on my skin.

"Shut up," he yelled before stepping forward and grabbing my wrists. He kissed me again. I was melting in his arms, my resolve to hate him grasping at my soul like it was all I had left.

His hands slipped to the clasp on my bra, and in one steady tug, my breasts were free. With a jump, I was in his arms, wrapping my legs around him as he guided me to his room. “I bet you stop this before I do,” he challenged while holding me tightly to his chest.

When he laid me down on his unmade bed, he took his shirt off and discarded his pants. "Fat chance. This means nothing," I said as he reached over and flipped a picture frame down. I didn't see who was in the photo, but I had a sickening suspicion that it was William.

"Sure, Tav. You can kill me tomorrow," he said sarcastically while hovering over me and kissing my skin. I felt savored in that moment. And I didn't want to feel savored. I wanted to feel destroyed.

"Get on with it."

"No," he whispered over my skin before looking up at me.

It was the most exquisite form of punishment. I wanted him. I wanted to kill him. "So this is some kind of test? See who will run first?" Young kissed my inner knee. "I'm not going to run," I affirmed, a breathy quality in my tone. "You don't scare me," I finally added as his lips landed on my stomach.

He looked up at me, dark eyes sparkling. "You done?" he asked in a sarcastic tone that made me want to dick kick him.

Scowling, I wrapped my hand around his neck and pushed his face down between my thighs. "No. I'm not," I moaned as he swept his tongue over my clit like I wasn't holding him down. He moved with enthusiasm, and I couldn’t help but wonder if this was how it is withher.Eventually, my thighs went slack. I had originally wanted him at my mercy, but somewhere between his mouth and my cunt, there was an exchange of power. Nowhewas in control, and I was helpless. My body was a selfish traitor, and he had no qualms about claiming whatever parts of me I’d give up.

"No wonder she keeps you around," I said, hoping to regain the upper hand. It worked, because he froze in place. "You're good at acting, Young."

Within a moment, he lifted up. Grabbing my hips, he flipped me over and started kissing my back. I was confused at first, that is until he spoke. Then I realized that he just didn't want me to see his expression. "Of course it's not like this with her. ’Cause I don'thaveto pretend to enjoy it with you, Tav. I could hold you down and fuck you dry and hard. You don't matter. Right now, I want to fuck you; tomorrow, I might want to strangle you. You'll never be William. You're a means to an end."

So this was what it felt like to be used?

---