Page 94 of Against Ebony Irish Seas

He’d been focusing on the positives too—they’d agreed it was for the best. Their afternoons had fallen into a comfortable routine. They’d exchange heartening stories from Ghislaine, and he’d tell her about any funny things that had happened out with Carrick and the sheep. Yesterday, he’d even given her an azurite blue seashell he’d discovered while digging posts, knowing she’d appreciate its color and composition.

Then they’d huddle together on the couch and watch a movie before retiring and making love with as much comfort and tenderness as they could muster for each other.

But still there was a weight none of their actions could dissipate, and it seemed today, the burden was too great for him.

“I was just missing Greta and thinking about things,” she said, taking his hand as he sat on the couch beside her. “Jamie, have you thought about what comes after you win your job back?”

The skin on his face seemed to stretch tighter, as if she were stretching canvas over a frame. “You mean after I convince people who’ve known me my whole life that I’m not immoral, a deviant, and a bastard who doesn’t care for the welfare of my students?”

Tears burned her eyes. “In some ways this is harder for you than it’s been for me.”

He tucked her against his side. “We don’t need to be competing on that score.”

“That’s not what I meant,” she said, smelling the fresh fields and sea air on his work clothes. “I mean, the people who have attacked me don’t know me personally. But yours do. Even if it’s a minority.”

He scrubbed his face. “Yes, and that makes it the worst kind of betrayal. You ask if I’ve thought about what comes after, assuming I do beat these charges, which I’m still not sure of. I have thought of it all, the good, the bad, and the ugly, as they say. I wonder if my students and their parents will ever look at me the same andtrust meas they did. Gossip tends to worm its way even into the best of brains.”

She knew her tears were going to flow after hearing him force those words out. She let them sink into his shirt, hoping their love and compassion could heal the worst of his hurt.

“I wonder if I even want to work under a principal who would accuse me of such deplorable things, knowing she’ll be watching for more. I wonder if I can even stomach what she might come up with in an improvement plan should I beat these charges. Then there are my students and their parents, looking to me to be a more serious model for a teacher than I’ve clearly been.”

She straightened at that. “Except they’re wrong, Jamie! You don’t have to be more serious—”

“Word about the pranks at Summercrest hasn’t helped my reputation, and perhaps I was hasty in them. I’m not a kid anymore but a grown man who’s meant to set a good example.”

God, they’d done a number on him. “Youdoset a good example. Jamie, this is shame talking.”

“Let me finish.Please.Even with all those weights on my soul, mostly I think about you and Greta and what might be best for all of us.”

She looked into his eyes for answers, to understand how he could say such things after all they’d shared. Love was shining brightly in them, but so was his agony.

“I wonder whether you and she should live in Provence,” he began, “away from this place. I wouldn’t have a word said against you if I could help it, but I can’t seem to stop it or protect you, so—”

“And what about us?” she whispered, her heart tearing. “I love you. You’re everything I could want in a man, a partner, a friend, and a lover. I know you’ll be good for Greta as much as for me.”

He framed her face. “I’ve agonized over this for days,mo chroí, and I have no easy answers. I love you too and will never find another. But I don’t know how I can simply leave this place, the only one I’ve known. Even if my friends and family weren’t here, I would hate the way it would look like if I left. Like I’d be tucking my tail between my legs. Like I’d done something wrong.”

“But you haven’t—”

“I can’t ask you to bear that fight with me,” he said harshly, “and I certainly can’t ask it of a child, whom I already love. It’s said you have to sacrifice for those you love. This is my sacrifice,mo chroí, the letting go of you.”

She stilled under his hands. “You’re going to make me a sacrifice? Jamie, I want to love you for this, but you’re only making me mad. Why do you need to sacrifice anything? You’ve done nothing wrong, and neither have I. Yes, we have a lot of things to work out, and I’ve also been thinking about whether Greta will be able to thrive here—”

“See, you already know,” he said sadly.

“But I don’t agree thatyouhave to stay here and suffer.” She touched his chest, wanting to reach him. “I know your family and friends are here, and I know how much they mean to you. Maybe we should both go to Provence for a bit after you beat this. You can have the satisfaction of tendering your resignation to that horrible woman, because Jamie, I don’t want you to have to keep looking over your shoulder either. You can teach somewhere else.”

He laid his hands over hers, his calmness alarming her. “My teaching license is for Ireland,mo chroí. And while I could teach English in France as an EU passport holder, I don’t want to.”

So he’d looked it up already. “Then we’ll go to New York. I grew up there, Jamie, and there are tons of Irish. Teachers too, I expect. We can start over there together.”

“Such talk fills me with distress and anxiety.” His harsh sigh seemed to punctuate it. “The truth is I’m a homebody, someone who’s never traveled and likes his quiet, simple life. I can’t imagine leaving, even for you, because I know you and Greta will be better off without me. You deserve someone stronger.”

“That is complete bullshit,” she said angrily. “So you want to just go back to your old routine and send me away. Jamie, I stayed and fought when push came to shove, and it terrified me. Now you’re going to simply throw in the towel?”

The light in his eyes dimmed. “Do you think I don’t feel guilty about this? But what kind of a man, what kind of a husband and father could I be after this? These charges have tarnished my character, and leaving here will only make me seem more culpable. I won’t ask that of you.”

She couldn’t believe this. “That’s ridiculous. Jamie, just because someone attacks your character doesn’t mean it’s tarnished. Take me. I’ve been called a devil’s spawn lately, and I haven’t checked my hairline to see if they’re starting to sprout.”

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