Page 56 of Savage Love

But I do believe him. That’s the hardest part of all of this. I believe that he would have been there if he hadn’t gotten caught up in the meeting, that he would have driven me himself. No part of me truly thinks that he carelessly forgot or that he didn’t care. There’s never been anything he’s ever shown me that would make me think that’s the kind of man he actually is.

If anything, he cares too deeply, and it’s caused him to punish himself for far too long.

His hand brushes my leg, as if trying to reassure me, and my pulse leaps in my throat. It’s beenweekssince we’ve had sex, and I’ve been aching for him constantly. It’s felt like a certain kind of torment knowing that he’s there in bed with me, and we can’t. Even I wasn’t willing to risk it while I was on bed rest, and I know he certainly wouldn’t have.

The doctor cleared you for all normal activities. You could—

We haven’t talked about it. I wondered, when he offered to give me space, when he said he’d sleep in another room, if the conversation we had that night changed anything about his decision on our wedding night to keep me ‘satisfied’ within our marriage. I was afraid to ask, and hear him say that hehadchanged his mind, that it made it too difficult for him to keep that distance. I was equally afraid that he would deflect it, put the conversation off for later, and I’d be left wondering and tormenting myself with it until I finally got an answer.

“We can go back up to our room now,” I tell him when we walk into the house. “No more worries about stairs.”

“I can’t say I feel a hundred percent better about it,” Levin says cautiously. “But stairs are fine, I’m sure. So yes, I’ll help you move your things back up there. Actually, why don’t you go change, and I’ll bring them up for you now?”

A plan starts to form in my head the moment he says it. I go up first, while he gets my clothes out of the guest bedroom, and I strip out of the leggings and t-shirt I’d worn to my doctor’s appointment and toss them in the hamper. Quickly, before he can come up, I find a pair of the type of panties I know he likes—a silky pair of cheeky boyshorts that shows off my ass to the best advantage…I’ve seen him react in the past when he’s discovered I’m wearing something similar—and a silky tank top without a bra. It’s warm in the bedroom, and the silky material clings to my breasts, the outline of my nipples pressing against the thin fabric.

I take down my hair just as he comes into the room, and itseemsinnocent. Like I was halfway through dressing when he walked in. I have no idea if Levin will be fooled or not—but I’m not sure I care. I want him too much.

The moment I turn around, my hair tumbling down around my shoulders, Iseethe heat in his eyes. His gaze flicks down my body in an instant, taking all of it in, and I can see the moment before he catches himself, when there’s unbridled lust in his face.

And then he remembers how he’ssupposedto feel, the control he tries so hard to cling to, and his expression goes blank.

“Do you want to rest for a bit?” he asks neutrally, walking over to put my clothes in the drawers. “I can find something to do, if you want some peace and quiet after the appointment—”

“Or you could come lay down with me.” I walk over to him, running my hands down his back, over the soft cotton of his t-shirt. “It’s been a while—”

I reach up, brushing my fingers over the nape of his neck as I press a kiss to the middle of his back, my other hand sliding under his shirt. My fingers skim over the ridged muscle of his abs, and I feel him suck in a momentary breath before he turns to face me, catching both of my hands in his before I can touch him any further, as if he knew where my hand might stray next.

I don’t need to touch his cock to know he’s hard, just from that small amount of closeness. When I look down briefly as he turns, I can already see him straining against the fabric of his pants, his cock a thick ridge against the front of them, wanting me.

“It’s not a good idea, Elena,” he says quietly, his broad hands wrapping tightly around mine. “The baby—”

“The doctor said it was fine. That we can go back to our normal activities.”

“I don’t know if we should risk it.” He takes a breath, looking down at me. “It’s not—”

“Not worth it?” I bite my lower lip, looking up at him. “We’re going to spend the next several months being celibate? When my doctor said it was fine?” I try not to say what comes into my head next, but I can’t help it. “What excuse are you going to come up with after the baby?”

“Elena, that’s not fair—”

“You’re my husband. I’m your wife. Iwantyou, and I know you want me.” I pull my hand free of his, sliding it down the front of him, my fingers tracing the shape of his straining cock. He sucks in a hissing breath, his eyes briefly closing, and I feel a small flutter of satisfaction.

“You want it too. You can’t fighteverything, Levin. Why can’t we have this?” I arch towards him, my other hand curling in his as I go up on my tiptoes to brush my lips over his. “Not everything has to be so complicated. It’s been weeks.”

“This has always been complicated.” He stiffens as I kiss him, his lips cool and dry, and there’s a stab of disappointment in my chest. “Always, Elena. But I mean it when I say that I don’t know if we should. You werejustcleared. We could wait a little longer—”

“Then we don’t have to do all of it.” My fingers trail over him again, my thumb pressing against the swollen shape of his tip through the fabric. “I just want to touch you. I miss it. I want—” I swallow hard, my pulse leaping in my throat. “I want to taste you. I want tofeel–”

“God, Elena.” Levin’s voice goes hoarse, the words dragging out of him as I rub my palm over his length. “Do you have any idea what you do to me?”

“I’m getting some idea.”

I whisper it as I run my hand over him again, and as I start to sink to my knees in front of him, he grabs my upper arms. I start to protest, opening my mouth to argue with him—and then my breath is taken away entirely as he silences me with a kiss.

It’s long and hot and slow, his tongue sliding into my mouth, tangling with mine as he groans, his hips pressed against me with my hand caught between us, rubbing over the straining shape of his cock. I feel him move, the shudder that goes through him, and when he finally breaks the kiss, his eyes are dark with lust.

“If we’re going to do anything,” he says finally, “we’re going to do it in the bed, where you can be comfortable.”

I’m not going to argue with that. I let him walk with me to the bed, let him lift me onto it as he follows me, lying down next to me as he brushes my hair away from his face.

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