Page 42 of Savage Love

Caterina laughs softly. “You and I both know that in our world, that doesn’t mean knowing someone. I was married to Viktor for quite some time before I knew much about him as a person.”

”And you know Levin better than I do? I’m his wife.”

Caterina tilts her head, looking at me with a patience that makes me feel slightly ashamed of my tone. “I’m not trying to start a fight with you, Elena. I’m trying to reassure you. I know things are hard right now. The first months of my marriage to Viktor were incredibly difficult, and he is—and was then—a much different man than Levin. What I’m trying to tell you is that—I hope in time, Levin will come to see how lucky he is to have you.”

Thatstops me in my tracks. I look at her, still unsure what to say. “What do you mean?”

“I’ve seen, personally, the violence that Levin is capable of when someone he cares about is threatened. I also know that he’s lost everything, and that he blames himself for it—that when those closest to him needed him, he couldn’t protect them, no matter how violent of a man he’s been in the past. He’s terrified of that future repeating.”

“I know.” I press my lips together, feeling a too-familiar ache spread through me. “And I can’t convince him that it’s not going to.”

The words surprise me as soon as they come out. I hadn’t meant to say it aloud, especially not to someone I don’t know all that well. But I see from Caterina’s expression that she understands, at least a little, and it makes me wonder if maybe it was a good thing that I did say it.

“Be patient,” she tells me. “I know your sister has probably told you that, too—”

“Isabella isn’t his biggest fan. I think she’d rather I just tell him to leave.”

“I’m not surprised by that.” A small smile plays over Caterina’s lips. “Isabella is very protective over you, I’m sure.”

She reaches over, taking a sip of her wine before glancing back at me. “Things work out in time, Elena. I know it seems that Levin isn’t going to find his way out of the grief he’s kept himself mired in for such a long time. But he hasn’t had anyone to give him a reason to.” She smiles at me, a little sadly. “He deserves happiness, and so do you. I think the two of you could find it in each other, if you’re willing to give him time and patience.”

“I hope that’s true.” I swallow hard, willing myself not to let too much emotion out. I don’t want to cry in front of her, and I don’t want her to see just how difficult it’s been. I don’t know her that well yet.

But at the same time, the conversation itself feels like a hand extended in friendship. I’ve never had friends, other than my sister. This feels like the beginning of a chance to change that.

“Thank you,” I tell her quietly. “I’m sorry I wasn’t all that receptive at first. You’re right—it has been hard.”

“I know.” Caterina gives me another of those small, reassuring smiles. “Let’s go find the others.” She picks up her glass. “They’re going to think we’ve disappeared.” She glances at me, “You’ll find that everyone here will want to help you when things are hard. We all take care of each other—this world we live in isn’t an easy one. You’ll find friends here.”

She leads us both back toward the living room, then, and I follow. I’m not entirely sure how I feel. Everyone has been more welcoming than I expected them to be, and I hadn’t thought Caterina, of all people, would be the one to reach out and give me advice about my marriage. But it makes sense when I think about it. She’s Viktor’s wife, and he knows Levin best out of anyone.

Give it time.It seems like such simple advice.

Doing that is much, much harder. All I have with Levin now is time. But I don’t know how best to use it, to make our future into something that could make us both happy.

Elena

For the first time since I came to Boston, I’m going home to the new house and not back to Isabella’s. We got the keys this morning, and I’d asked Levin if I should stay home, since everything was being moved in—all the furniture we picked out, our personal possessions. He’d told me no, that we’d hired enough people to handle it, and that I needed to make friends. He had plans to go out with Liam and Niall, once the movers were finished.

I have no idea if he’ll be home or not when I get there. I toyed with the idea of sending him a text a half-dozen times between leaving the McGregor estate, dropping Isabella off, and getting close to the house, but I didn’t. I wasn’t sure if that was a thing we did.Do we send each other messages, letting the other know we’re on the way home?It seems like something a married couple should do, but I still have no idea what kind of married couple we are.

I don’t really think either of us do.

There are lights on when I get out of the car, shining a warm glow through the windows. I feel a small leap in my chest, the way I always do when I think about Levin, or hear him mentioned, or talk about him. I wonder, as I brush past the security and put my key into the lock, if it will ever go away—either because of the passage of time or because I’ve had to find a way to put it to rest, to keep my heart from being broken over and over again.

I open the door, stepping inside. It’s the first time I’ve come home to this house, and as I slip off my shoes, the smooth wooden floor cool under the bare soles of my feet, I find myself hoping that we stay here. That we get to keep all the memories that I hope we’ll get to make, if I give ittime, the way Caterina seems to think that I should.

“Hello?” I call out as I pad down the hall, wondering if Levin is home, or if he just left the lights on—or if one of the security did.

“Elena?” I hear his voice from the living room, a little blurred around the edges, as if he’s a little drunk. I feel that leap in my chest again, remembering the last time I saw him drunk—in a hotel room in Rio, and how that night had gone. A game ofnever have I everthat turned into much, much more.

I close my eyes against the memory of his hands on me in the small, uncomfortable bed, the way I hadn’t cared because everything else felt so good, the memory of coming to talk to him outside, with the scent of smoke hanging around us and the sound of rain beating down against the pavement, the wall of the hotel rough against my back as he’d kissed me.

Rio feels like an entirely different world now, a place where we were other people. Where I was someone more like the person I think I’d have liked to be—free and careless and adventurous—and now I’m expected to go back to being the person that everyone else knew.

I know I was reckless back then, too. That I didn’t think about the consequences of my actions—the potential consequences, anyway. But for the first time, I’d been living in the moment. I hadn’t been trying to do anything except hold on to the brief moments that I could grasp with Levin, and clinging to some faint hope that if we spent enough time together, he’d realize just how good we were.

I hadn’t ever thought it would spiral into this–still wishing he would realize how good we are together, while I’m carrying his child and we’re sharing a home together…a life…a marriage. I could never have imagined that that’s what it would lead to.

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