Page 38 of Savage Love

“In the meantime,” Liam continues, “we’re going to put added security at your house–” he nods at Niall, “–and yours as well, once you’re moved in,” he tells me. “Elena and Isabella shouldn’t go anywhere without security with them. We’re all aware of the kind of tactics that can be used against them. I know Isabella is protective of her freedom, but I’m sure that she’ll see that this is for the best. With any luck, this will be resolved soon, and things can go back to normal.”

He nods to both of us. “The best thing you can do is stay close to your families and keep them safe. If you’re needed for anything else, we’ll make you aware.”

Niall looks as frustrated as I feel, but neither of us argues. We both know Connor and Liam well enough to know that when they’ve made a decision in this capacity, it’s difficult to get either of them to back down—especially Connor, who is always on a knife’s edge of contention with Niall anyway. But neither of us wants to be sitting and doing nothing while we wait. It goes against everything either of us have ever done for our entire lives.

The ride back to the house is a quiet one. Tension is radiating off Niall, and he grips the steering wheel hard, his knuckles whitening around the edges.

“I promised Isabella she wouldn’t have to worry about this shite anymore,” he says finally, when we’ve stopped in the driveway. He runs one hand through his hair, his jaw working, and I can tell he’s holding back his rage by a thread. “That all that fucking nonsense she grew up with, all the danger she was in, was fuckin’ over. She’s supposed to be fuckingsafehere. Both of the lasses are.” He slams one fist against the dashboard, hard, his mouth pressed so thinly that his lips have vanished. “I swear to fuckin’Christ, if that man lays a hand on her—”

“I know.” I take a deep breath, hanging onto my own anger and frustration by a similarly slim margin. “I promised Elena this was a safe place, too. The man is a fucking blight on all of us.”

“He needs to be put in the fuckin’ ground.” Niall grits his teeth, his hand still running through his hair, a nervous tic. “I love Liam like a goddamn brother, but he and Connor are going to sit on their fuckin’ hands until all this burns down.”

“Maybe not.” I glance over at him. “I’m as angry as you are. And I don’t like waiting and seeing any more than you do. But we can’t singlehandedly start a war, and we can’t take him out, just the two of us.”

“Like hell, we can’t.” Niall stares straight ahead, and I can see the wheels turning furiously in his mind. “We—”

“Need to wait,” I tell him firmly. “As much as it fucking pains me to say it. You know what I’ve lost, Niall. You know how close to home this is. But we’ve both done this shit all our lives. We need to think of it the way we would any other conflict, not differently because of how closely it touches us. If we go after him on our own and fail—where does that leave Isabella and Elena? If we start a war, when he might still back down?”

“You really fucking think he’s going to back down?”

“No,” I admit, honestly. “But I think he might slip up. He’s angry, Niall, and his pride is wounded. Angry, prideful men make mistakes. If he acts recklessly, he’ll open himself up to a way for us to put an end to this—with backup. Let’s not do the same, and give him that option.”

Niall lets out a short, harsh breath. “You’re right, as usual,” he mutters. “Butfuck, I want to put a bullet through that man’s head and end this for all of us.”

“As do I. And who knows?” I offer him a tight, grim smile. “We might still get the chance.”

Elena

On the day of my first doctor’s appointment, I’m incredibly anxious. It’s like an addition to the ever-present nausea of my pregnancy, except for brief moments of time I forget, only for something to remind me of the things I have to worry about. Adrenaline floods me, making my palms tingle and my heart race, a cycle that’s been repeating for days now.

It feels like everything has gotten crammed into a small space of time. We’re moving into the new house in two days, and the mess of packing and stress doesn’t help my mood. Added to that is the claustrophobic feeling of having the Kings’ security what feels likeeverywhere. Although Levin has handled the conversations of how much security there will be at our house and where, I still hate every second of it.

Isabella’s house felt like a safe haven when I was brought here, but now every time I go anywhere—to the kitchen for a glass of water, to the living room to watch tv, to the backyard to try to get a moment’s peace—there are security guards everywhere. Liam and Connor said there would be a few, but I don’t think they know the meaning of that word. Added to that is the fact that I can’t even go into the room I share with Levin to get away from them without being reminded of the impending move from the boxes scattered across our floor—something that should excite me, but instead reminds me that soon I’ll be learning how to share a life with someone else for the first time. How to live with someone, just the two of us—and that someone doesn’t actually want that life with me.

Until today, the pregnancy hasn’t felt entirely real. Nothing has really changed about my body yet, aside from sore breasts and constant nausea, which has started to taper off a little. I could have had a bad period or the flu, and had similar symptoms. But the appointment makes it real. And with that comes the reminder that it’s not just me that’s in danger from Diego any longer.

I have something more to worry about, and sometimes it feels overwhelming.

Levin is waiting in the living room when I walk in to find him, and the moment I see him, that familiar longing rushes back in. It never changes–it never stops. I can’t see him and not want to be near him, touching him—and I can’t help but wonder if it will ever stop. If I’ll ever feel differently.

He hasn’t touched me again since the afternoon in the house we chose. I know that it’s not that he doesn’t want me—it’s that he wants me too much—but it doesn’t make it easier. If anything, it makes it all feel so much worse, knowing that my husband wants me, but is forcing himself to stay away.

He’s intent on punishing himself for the rest of his life, it seems, and I’ve been caught up in it.

I ask Isabella to come to the appointment with me, too. I want Levin there, of course, but I want someone there who’s done this before to help with my nerves. She readily agrees—I think she would have been hurt if Ididn’task—and she offers to drive us, something that’s quickly cut off by the tall, muscled bodyguard near the door.

“I’ll drive you,” he says flatly. “Kings’ orders—you ladies don’t drive yourselves.”

Isabella gives him a withering look, and I glance at Levin. “Can’t you drive us?”

He glances over at the guard, who looks perturbed. “I’ve got it,” he tells the black-clothed man. “I think I can still manage to keep an eye on them.”

I’d gotten a glimpse of what it’s been like for Isabella to live without that constant shadow, the feeling of someone watching her at all times, following her every step. She’s had a measure of freedom since coming here that neither of us ever had, and now that I’ve had it too—the ability to simply go where we please without an escort, to live without the reminder that danger lurks around the corners and we need to be protected from it—it feels awful to go backward. As if all of the efforts we’ve gone through to be safe have meant nothing in the end.

My nerves only get worse on the way to the doctor’s office. Levin glances over at me, and I see him give me a sympathetic look, his hand reaching out to rest on my thigh. A shiver goes through me at the feeling of his hand on my leg, when he hasn’t touched me in days, other than the brush of his lips over my cheek before bed. I know he notices, but he says nothing, though his hand stays comfortingly on my leg.

“It’s going to be fine,” he finally says quietly to me, when he pulls into the space in the parking garage outside the doctor’s office. “There’s no reason to think anything will go wrong. Just routine. I know Isabella told you that, too.”

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