Page 19 of Savage Love

I’m so close to bursting into tears, and I hate myself for it. I want to be angry with him,furiouseven; I want to shout at him that it’s not fair to me either, that I didn’t want to sign up for a marriage of celibacy. But for all I know, he’ll calmly tell me that I’m welcome to find pleasure outside the marriage if I need to, or that he plans to do the same. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I can’t handle that right now. I’ll fall apart.

“You asked me what I want,” I whisper in a voice that sounds too small, without the emphasis I wish it had. “I want to be in that bed with you. I want you to ask me to come join you, and I want us to finish what you started. I want you to want me enough to do that.”

“I do want you, Elena.” Levin’s voice is deep, roughened with frustration, and it sends a thrill of desire through me even under the circumstances. “But this isn’t aboutwant. This is about what’s best for—”

“Don’t say that.” I shake my head, cutting him off. “I don’t want to hear you say that you know what’s best for me.”

“I was going to say for both of us,” he finishes quietly. “But you can take it as that, too, if you want.”

We stare at each other for a long moment, and I don’t know what to say. I feel as if my heart is cracking open in my chest all over again, as if he’s never going to stop breaking my heart; that feels worse than ever, knowing that we’re going to spend the rest of our lives together.

I thought watching him walk away was the worst thing that could happen. But somehow, this feels worse than him not marrying me at all.

Levin

When I’m called to the Kings’ offices the next day, I assume it’s because the news of the wedding has reached Connor, and I’m about to be chastised for hiding my relationship with Elena in the first place. But instead, I’m faced with much worse news.

“Diego has made contact with connections he has in Boston. Connections we weren’t aware of.” Connor is sitting at one end of the table, his eyes narrowed, and mouth pinched around the edges. “I’m sure you can guess what it is that he wants.”

“Something to do with Elena?” I keep my voice calm, but inwardly I can feel my gut clenching with a particularly heated mixture of rage and worry. Elena was meant to be safe here. We’d been assured that Diego had no connections in Boston and no way to reach her. If that’s not true, and Elena isn’t as safe as we expected—

“He’s demanding her return.” Liam leans forward, steepling his fingers as he rests his elbows on the scarred wood of the Kings’ table. “Of course, we’re not inclined to comply with that request.”

“I would certainly fucking hope not.” I drop down into the chair opposite Liam, jaw tensing. “How the fuck did theseconnectionsslip past us?”

Connor shrugs, looking more irritated than concerned. “We haven’t been in the business of dealing with the cartels for long. I can’t say that we have the best network for sussing out every possibility. We did our due diligence, but clearly—”

“Clearly not.” I glare at him, and Connor raises one thick auburn eyebrow.

“You’re a little more on edge about this than I would think you should be, Volkov. Especially considering that your part in this is meant to be finished. You completed the job you were given. What are you doing in Boston, anyway? Just a social call with Niall?”

From the expression on his face, I know there’s no point in bullshitting him. It’ll all come to light soon enough anyway—no one here is stupid enough to be at my wedding to Elena and not put two and two together.

“Do you need me to spell it out for you?” I ask him flatly, and Liam chuckles.

“We already figured it out,” he says, leaning back in his chair. “Elena tried to cover for you, but she’s not that good of an actress. It was obvious there was something between you; we just weren’t sure how far it had gone.”

“That wasn’t a part of your job,” Connor says icily. “I can’t imagine how Ricardo Santiago would feel if he knew that you deflowered his daughter. Which I assume is what you did, since she must have been a virgin if Diego wanted her in the first place. You put this entire deal in danger, Volkov. It would come down onourheads if Santiago decided to take offense that the man we vouched for to bring his daughter back here safely chose to take advantage of her instead.”

I don’t argue the point. Elena would have flown into a fit over the idea that Itook advantageof her in any way. However, I still feel some guilt over the whole situation. “I’m willing to take responsibility for my part in it,” I tell Connor calmly. “I understand that what I did was not a part of the job I was given, and that I was out of line to give in to temptation. But Santiago will know soon anyway—Elena and I are getting married.”

“Oh fuck, man.” Liam shakes his head, blowing out a sharp breath as he looks at me. “What the fuck did ye do?” His accent thickens, his voice taking on a tinge of surprise. Connor, on the other hand, only looks even more irritated.

“I clearly gave you more credit for intelligence than I should have.” Connor crosses his arms, glaring at me. “Well, we won’t be calling on you to do any more rescue missions for the Kings anytime soon, not unless they’re men or old, dried-up crones.”

“I intend to be faithful to my wife,” I tell Connor stiffly. “As for why I’m marrying Elena, I think your first suspicion is likely the correct one. But I am marrying her, regardless. And as for anything else regarding her family, I think that will be between the two of us.”

“If Santiago threatens our deal on account of this—”

“I think that, since I intend to do right by his daughter, that won’t be an issue,” I tell Connor, an edge creeping into my voice. “And, as I said, my marriage to Elena is between her and I.”

“Not when it affects Kings’ business—”

“I think he’s right, Connor,” Liam interjects. “He is, as he said, doing right by her. I think that will be enough for Santiago. And if it’s not—” He shrugs. “It can’t be undone, brother. There’s no point in castigating him for it. What can be done is being done.”

Connor grunts but says nothing else, and Liam turns his attention back to me.

“However,” he continues, “when is the wedding meant to take place? Not too soon, I imagine, since neither of us has seen an invite.”

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