Page 41 of Grin and Bear It

I took a bite. Because I was hungry and the pizza smelled divine. Because the expectation that I should seemed to stretch out painfully between us. But mostly I did it because I was tired, worn out and right when I’d felt like my only way out of it was to burrow down in my bed and not come out until Monday morning, a hot Viking-looking dude had walked into my house and offered to feed me and pamper me. My hand slid around his wrist and there was that fucking feeling again, liquid, hot warmth pouring into me, just like it had with Nash. But I didn’t dwell on that, I was too busy taking the first bite of the pizza.

“Mmph!”

I had things to say, many of them, but right now my mouth was full and my tastebuds were going into riot. This was the standard by which all other pizzas would be judged: the crust having a spongy almost sourdough-like consistency, the sauce tangy and herby and then there was the perfect topic to crust ratio.

“Oh my god…” I finally got out, covering my mouth as I finished chewing.

“That’s what I like a woman to say when she’s with me,” he said, that impish grin back. “Over and over again. More?” He offered me another bite and I scoffed at the ridiculous notion that I might not want any more.

“What about you?” I asked. “How are you resisting this food? God, tell me you’re not a fitness model or something.” I looked him over more closely. “Shit. Do you, like, watch macros and drink protein shakes or something to get that body?”

“This body?” Of course, that’s what he took from my rambling. He scanned his own form slowly, then looked at me. Those golden eyes twinkled as he stared me down. “So you’ve noticed my body.”

“You’ve got muscles that can be seen from space,” I retorted, reaching for my own slice. “Of course I noticed.”

“And what did you think? When you were… noticing?”

If I’d harboured doubts that this was some kind of pity date, they were well and truly eradicated right now. There something almost feline about Lin in this moment, drawing me closer, and I had the sense of claws almost being unleashed.

“Um… that you looked strong,” I stammered out, then stuffed my mouth with pizza. It tasted delicious and saved me from saying anything else.

“Strong?” He leaned over and flexed his bicep. “Yeah, I do alright. What else?”

“Is this how this shit works?” I asked, flicking a finger between me and him. “Are you the kind of guy that needs his ego stroked a lot?” I said that with a smile, but then considered what it would be like if that was true.

“Do I want you to stroke my hair and tell me I’m pretty?” he asked, watching me closely. “No, but…” I took another bite then to have something to do with my hands and he watched that with way too much attention. Like he wished he was the pizza and I was— “If a man is in the presence of a woman he thinks is attractive, it's nice to know if that feeling is reciprocated.”

“Attractive?” I looked down at my jammies and then, when I patted at my hair and felt how out of control it was, I couldn’t help but burst out laughing, sending a spray of pizza crumbs everywhere. Gross. “OK, what the actual fuck? Because I’m a mess, not even a hot one.”

“Politely, I disagree.”

Then, right when I was about to launch into an impassioned speech to try to convince him otherwise, he scooped me up and put me in the pillow nest, and I was instantly enveloped in all that soft squishiness. He took the thin piece of crust, all that remained of the slice I’d been devouring, from my fingers and replaced it with a fresh piece, then he settled down on one side of me, his body just barely brushing mine as he rolled over and leaned up on one elbow.

“You look so soft and sweet in those PJs. I want to reach out and pet the flannel fabric. And then slip my hand under and see if you’re softer. You look so small.”

Not many people called me that, but if you were a freakish giant, the right size for building log cabins and hollowing out wooden canoes, I guess I would seem small.

“Part of me wants to cradle you in my arms and hold you close, see if you feel like a little doll and the other…” He paused, eyes serious and intent on mine.

Holy fucking shit, I was hanging off this guy’s every word.

“…wants to see if you can take every inch of me.”

My mouth fell open. Derek, when he came by, had been a remote hog and would tell me what kind of takeaway we’d be getting. Then, after he’d watched his fill of whatever action movie he’d chosen, he’d turn to me and start grinding on me, even when Coll was still in the room. I was a hole to fall into at the end of the night, there and gone again by the time morning came. But Lin? He watched me oh-so-closely, observing my every reaction with a fascination that had an element of obsession to it.

“But not tonight.”

Then, as if to contradict himself, he leaned in, and kept on coming, closer and closer until his mouth brushed against mine. Just a sweet little butterfly of a kiss, but somehow that had my heart pounding harder than if he’d pushed his tongue down my throat.

“Now.” He pulled his lips away from mine, then settled in with his arm around my shoulders, pulling me into the pillows nestled against his body and holding me close. “What did you want to watch?”

I had no interest in the screen. I was riveted by him, by studying that proud prow of a nose, the neatly combed beard in every shade of blond from platinum to ash and following the lines of those strong cheekbones. Then I watched his lips quirk.

“You’ve got the remote, so you’re in control, Ellie.” He winked at me, then lowered his voice. “Of everything.”

Maybe that’s why I was so slow at moving, turning the TV on finally and then putting Lin’s good humour to the test, selecting a cute show about a teenage girl being pursued by half the guys in her class.

Some guys talk big but,when it comes to delivering, they suck. Lin, I was happy to discover, was not in that cohort. I was sprawled across the couch, watching the girl on the screen eat her heart out as she tried to work out which of her suitors to choose, when Lin rearranged me in the pillows to his liking and pulled my bare feet into his lap. I stayed quiet, most of my focus moving away from the TV screen, and then a strong thumb dug into my arch.

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