Page 10 of Montana Silence

Lucas put his hands on his hips, and I nearly laughed at the classic “Montana Man” image he was putting off. The only thing keeping it from being genuinely funny was that Lucas didn’t have a false bone in his body. That genuineness allowed him to connect with people and animals alike. “It’s not ideal, but you’re right, Liam. It’s better to get it now than wait for it.”

We hadn’t slated time into the schedule to do this for more than a couple of days.

“Maybe Daniel will be ready to come by the time we get there,” Jude said, nodding to the truck.

Noah closed the tailgate, and I saw the two of them look at the plans as Jude and I drove back toward the lodge.

“I hope we didn’t come off too strong last night,” Jude said.

I smiled but kept my lips tight. “I get it. I do. But I’d like to do this the way we do everything else here. If you see me doing something to self-sabotage or you think I’ve stepped over a line, then you have every right to step in. But until then—”

“We’ll let you handle it,” he said.

“Thanks.”

Now I just had to figure out if there was anything to handle.

Chapter4

Mara

I closedthe door to the storage shed near the lodge and sighed, leaning back against the surface. Taking stock of all the seeds I had was on my long list of things to do, but my mind wouldn’t focus enough for me to do it now.

The whole day, I’d drifted off into thoughts and memories, not able to control it, as if a thick cloud of fog swirled around my brain. Partly from being triggered yesterday, but also with Liam.

Now that it was daylight, and I was far enough away from the experience, embarrassment plagued me. I didn’t want him to see me like that. He’d been so great about it, but it was just another strike against me. Mara, the mute. Mara, who was still so haunted, a breaking dish could make her fall apart entirely.

I knew I shouldn’t be giving the negative voices in my head so much power, but some days I wasn’t strong enough to fight them off. Today was one of those days.

Still, I tried to focus on the good moments too. Like when Liam held me and it felt like everything good in the world. And then we’d danced, and it was…

I couldn’t stop thinking aboutthateither. How I felt when he pulled me closer, his strong hand around my waist.

When we were dancing, it felt as if nothing in the world could hurt me, no matter how untrue that was.

Shaking my head, I pushed off the door and went to the lodge. The back door was closest. One final thing on my list to cross off before I moved on.

My gut tightened as I approached the closet and the damn squeaky hinge. I hated how much that still had a hold on me, but if I fixed it, at least there wouldn’t be any more surprises. Not from this door, at least.

I closed my eyes and opened the door quickly, ignoring the sound of the hinge. Oil and some rags sat on a shelf in here for exactly this purpose. A ranch had all kinds of things that could suddenly become squeaky.

The front door of the lodge opened, and I dropped the bottle, startled. I cursed in my head. This wasn’t supposed to be affecting me right now.

Daniel poked his head around the corner of the hallway, holding a pile of mail that was far too tall. “Oh hey, Mara.” He smiled. “Good to see you.”

I held up a hand in greeting. There was no voice to be found in my throat right now. Finally, a few minutes later, the door swung with no sound at all, and something eased in my chest.

Upstairs, gentle creaking told me Daniel moved around in his office. Through the windows, I heard birds and the brush of wind against the walls. I smelled the scents of oil and grease from the rags, along with spilled coffee from earlier this morning. I felt the texture of the rag under my fingers, rough and worn, and the floor pressed up into my feet.

The little things I grasped for weren’t much, but they were enough to ground me. I was here at Resting Warrior, and I was safe. The source of my distress was gone, and I needed to breathe.

A small part of me wished I could go to Liam and let him hold me all over again, just like yesterday. That kind of safety? I could get addicted to the feeling. One hit and I already craved more. But I couldn’t. I didn’t even know where he was, and I didn’t want to use him like that. He deserved better than to be a broken woman’s emotional crutch.

I put the oil and rags back where they belonged, wiping the remaining grease off my hands. My breathing was easier, and I felt more clarity. I needed to do things today without interruption. Now I just hoped I could actually complete them.

The ranch had new clients coming in later this week, and I had to make sure the cabins were clean and stocked with both linens and the nonperishable foods we provided. The perishable ones, I’d grab the day before they arrived, but I needed to make a list of what we already had, probably do a few loads of laundry, and run into town to the grocery store.

My steps were lighter as I went into the main room and grabbed the notepad I used to make my lists. Last time I’d visited the Bitterroot Cabin, I was pretty sure I’d seen it was out of pasta—

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