Page 4 of Montana Silence

Being wrapped up tight? If only he knew how closely I kept my blankets at night while I slept. Small spaces helped me calm down too. The dark, like the closet I’d hidden in so many times. Somewhere there was a claustrophobic person who thought I was out of my mind.

I nodded once. He’d asked me a question. Yes, compression helped me. And here at the wedding I didn’t have many other options unless I wanted to go home.

“Okay,” Liam said. “May I touch you? I’d like to help you if I can.”

Touch me.

He’d never done that before. And I was almost glad all speech had left me so I wasn’t tempted to tell him howdesperatelyI wanted him to. And had wanted him to for a while. I knew his offer had nothing to do with me as a person—only with the fact that I was currently in the middle of a meltdown—but I would still take it.

I nodded again, and he smiled. “Okay.”

As he stepped in close to me, it felt like so much more than merely helping. Like something momentous, and I wished it were happening differently. But Liam was here, sliding his hands over my shoulders and down my spine, pulling me against him and using his body to hold me.

Compression.

How long had it been since I’d let anyone touch me? More than an arm around my shoulder like Lena had done earlier?

I honestly couldn’t remember. No reason for anyone to try. On the ranch, I lived alone, and no part of my job required physical contact with another person.

This was incredible.

It felt like the easiest, most natural thing in the world to slip my arms around him and let him hold me. My face was buried in his dress shirt. He smelled like cedar and a spicy cologne I didn’t have a name for.

My heart calmed, and I could suddenly breathe again. The pounding in my ears subsided, and the music and conversation from inside the tent filtered once again into my hearing.

But mostly, I feltsafe.

In this little bubble with just the two of us, nothing could touch me. Had I felt this way before? Ever?

I didn’t think so. Tension melted from my body, some of it I hadn’t even been aware of. My legs shook, but it wasn’t from fear. It was because my body was exhausted from holding all this inside for so long.

“When I was younger,” Liam said quietly, “just a kid, I would wake up with nightmares. Sometimes panic attacks too.”

His voice was resonant in his chest, and I couldn’t stop myself. I turned my head so my ear rested against him, listening to the steady sound of his heart and the rich, warm tones of his words.

“When that happened, my foster mom would hold me just like this.” He squeezed me gently, a hand moving up and down my spine. “As long as I needed until I felt okay.”

I followed his breath, inhaling with him and exhaling too. Long, slow breaths that continued to bring me down and banish the shadows from my mind. But still in his arms, I wasn’t sure if it wascalmthat banished the shadows—or just him.

Liam’s hand didn’t stop moving, drifting to the top of my back before retreating, the movement rhythmic and soothing. “What was it?” he finally asked.

Swallowing, I tried to find my voice. It was there, but it was small. “The dish breaking.”

“Yeah,” he said. “That can be jarring.”

He had no idea.

Well, that wasn’t exactly true. No one at Resting Warrior lived or worked at the ranch because their pasts were sunshine and roses. Whatever was in Liam’s, I didn’t know, just as he didn’t know mine. The idea of telling him was at once appealing and so terrifying I flushed despite my face being hidden.

I slowly pulled my face away from his shirt, realizing my hands were grasping the back of it so tightly I was probably making it wrinkle.

Liam’s eyes locked with mine, and we were still so close.

So, so close. He hadn’t let me go, and I was still holding on to him. The hand that had been moving up my spine was now curled around the back of my neck, and I never wanted him to move it.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

I shook my head. No, I wasn’t okay. I probably wouldn’t be okay for a long time. But for now… “Better.”

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